A Girl's life
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2001-04-20 12:53:43 (UTC)

Damn school

Alright, this past week I've ben going to school, but not
REALLY going. I'm slow like that. I'll go to school, but I
won't go to any classes. I have the lowest # of credits you
could possibly have after being in highschool for 3 yrs.
Man, I admit, it is shameful, but I don't do anything about
it. I'll start going to class, but then I slack off, and I
don't go. And all I do is get myself into trouble because
of it. And I don't think it's all about being lazy too.
But my fisrt year of high school was so hard on me. I first
really got too into being a groupie. I'd miss up to 3
straight weeks of school at a time. I didn't go to class,
so I odviously stayed back that year. Then my second year
was like the worst. I was trying to discover myself, and I
still am, but that year was bad on me. I contsnatly got
taunted all the time. I hated the feeling of people not
liking me and not wanting to be my friend. I tried so hard
to make people like me. People thought I was conceded, they
thought I was a bitch or that I was spoiled, and I know
that I am soo far from that. It just got me so upset. The
fact that people gave me dirty looks bothered me, and it
was all because I wear make up. like What the fuck is
that?! Can't I be my own person? Thats' what made me
comfortable with myself. That's how I could go tgrough the
day. I didn;t do it to be beautiful, or to try and be
concede like them other people think. I did it to be happy
with myself. Plus, what the fuck?! It's my face, I'll do
whatever the fuck I want to it! Everyone was so mean to me.
And I isolated myself. I got so many threats in school too.
I even got harassed by guys. It was a hard year on me. I
couldn't deal with it anymore. Whenever I went to class,
tourment followed. And I had to go through that every
single day. I cried all the time. I even tried to kill
myslef, because evrything was just happening so fast, I
didn't know how to or wanted to deal with it anymore. And
in my eyes I was hated by everyone. Kids frmo school,
people I thought were my friends, backstreet fans, everyone
hated me. My mom finally decided to take me out of school.
I ended up as a drop out at 15, for the rest of the school
year. In that time I got a couple of jobs, and I actually
liked that way more then going to school. Come summer time,
I had grown up a bit and in September of 2000, I re-
registered back into school. I thought I'd start going ,
but noooooo, not at all. It's like I can't be in that
school. And everyone tells me to transfer. NO OTHER SCHOOL
wants me either. Just because of my low grades,and the fact
that I stayed back (dare I say) twice. I KNOW that I'm a
smart girl. I don't go to class,and still I got a few 90's.
But that odviously didn't matter. I even begged them. So I
have decided to drop out and get a GED. My mom told me I
should. AT first I didnt want to, but I don't want to
graduate at 20 years old,maybe 21. That's just sad. If I
get my GED, I can still go to college. It's not like I want
to be a brain surgeon or anything, I just want to act,dance
or work in the music industry. And I know a few good
people. I mean, I intered a ARISTA records. I was a VJ
(lol), and all this shit has happened to me and I'm still
standing. I'm guessing it's a sign. I'm just gonna do my
thing. This might be what I've needed, or this might be
just what totally fucks up my life. But I'm looking at
brighter things here. And I know that I'll be where I wanna
be 10 years from now. I'm just happy that I have my family,
my health, a place to live, true friends, and myself.
That's all I need to make it. And my dreams too. Cause I
KNOW that I"m gonna be somebody. I'm the most popular 16
year old AFTER Mandy Well, I"m younger than
her,so I am the most popular 16 year old. lol. I have so
many things that I wanna do in my life. I can;t let people
who hate me take me down. I'm learning to grow,and I"m
learning to change. I'm just happy with myself right
now.Well not totally, but I know it'll be alright. It has
to be.

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