a freak with a heart
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2002-01-25 23:34:46 (UTC)

So lost

Dear Diary,

i don't knw whether to be happy or sad right now. my
grandfather who we thought was doing better is dying. he
decided that he didn't want to g oto the hospital this time
casue he's been there so many times, he's ready to go this
time...he's said his goodbye's and is ready to go to
heaven. and i guess since he is ready to go that i am ready
to let him. but it's still hard and in a way i don't want
him to go, but i know thats being selfish.
things are kinda at a stand still with me and my
boyfriend. we decided that we can't go without talking and
we have a lot ot talk out but we can't right now. i can't
even being to start thinking things out right now...but i
need him right now. but there is this distance between us
right now and it feels so weird. i just want him to hold me
and tell me it's ok and just rap him arms aound me as tight
as he can. im content but sad and still empty even though
jeremy and i are talking, but it's still the same emptyness
as it was when we weren't talking. i am so emotionaly
confused right now and lost so im gonna go and think about
a lot of things and try to get my head straight.


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