Sarahbellum

The meanderings of a mind
2001-04-20 03:37:40 (UTC)

more rambling

Sometimes there are days when the thoughts in my mind
refuse to rest. I lay in bed at night, my mind running in
circles making me dizzy. I stare at the blurred words in
my books, without registering a word, because the thoughts
in my mind are raging so loudly, all else is drowned out.
If there is something that needs to be done, I'll do
something else. As was recently published in a column in
our school paper, alphabetizing your cd collection takes
priority over studying for the three tests you have the
next day. My mom believes I spend hours studying. In
truth, I spend hours TRYING to study, and maybe five
minutes of actual studying. A pile of books are sitting
beside my chair screaming that I have class in 9.5 hours,
yet all the messages that I have already read in my email,
need to be reread and deleted before I can even consider
reading "the Prince" which was due one day last week. I
have gotten good at turning the conversation around when we
must discuss a book I didn't quite finish, or start for
that matter in class. I am probably known as the stupid
girl in class, but does it matter? As long as I am not
called on with a question from the book, that I could only
guess at. What is so wrong with changing the topic?
Perhaps it is odd of me to raise my hand in the middle of a
discussion and ask if we can talk about drugs. After the
myriad of confused stares and a sprinkling of later, which
takes up valueable class minutes, the numerous comments my
requests recieve eat up even more time. Before the
professor can address any more questions I couldn't
possibly answer, class has ended and we are on our way.
Giving me one more day to procrastinate and perhaps not do
my homework. I was told before even coming to college,
that there was no homework, and if there was you didn't
have to do it. Well they left out the valueable
stipulation I would have been delighted to know...you don't
have to do your homework, if passing isn't your priority.
In one of my multiply moments of insanity, I decided to
take 19 hours. That is six classes. Teachers expect you
to spend three hours studying in addition to the various
papers and homework assignments given. That is more than a
full time job! I have no breaks between classes on Monday,
Wednesday, and Thursday, except for a lunch break. Thus I
have to carry the books for FIVE classes around all day.
If only having the books stuffed in my backpack transmitted
any of the knowledge into my head. There are days I get so
stressed I forget how to spell my name. That is quite
sad. College has lead way to numerous addictions as well.
I am not addicted to sex (though that seems like a rather
nice addiction) or drugs (though I am sure I need them) or
alcohol (which I could come to enjoy as well). I am
addicted to ice cream ( I am ready to take Ben & Jerry as
my lovers), I am addicted to anything with sugar, (cherry
lifesavors are my savior), anything with caffiene, (I have
forgotten what it is to sleep), Napster (enough said), AIM
(aol)--why do I spend hours typing on aol to my roommate
who happes to sit not four feet from me? And the
telephone. I sometimes dial random numbers just to waste
time talking to strangers. Way to go out and meet people
eh? And last but not least guys. I probably don't like
any of the guys that profess their desire for me, but I am
not letting them know that! And when they decide that I am
not "the one," despite the fact I didn't really care about
them, it tears me up. How rude of me to want others to
want me even though I don't want them. It must be a pride
or vanity thing. However, there are valueable lessons to
be learned at college as well. 1.) You are stupid, 2.)
cartoons are NOT just for kids, 3.) Caffeine is as
important as oxygen, 4.) and sitting in the front of the
class does NOT keep you awake when you live on 10 hours of
sleep a night. Because this is my third entry of the night
I am starting to think I have just found another possible
addiction. Before I overdose, I am gonna take myself off
to the shower. Another realm of hell in dorm-life. Now
the devils carry me away...




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