a freak with a heart
2002-01-25 04:40:05 (UTC)

what i would give for a hug

Dear Diary,

well i made it through one day, kinda. i was doing ok
but then he came on and was talking to my sister. and he
told her that he missed me a LOT. and i saw the screen, in
a way i makes me feel better but at the same time it broke
me down...if he misses me that much after one day how is he
going to make it 2 more days. i really think this is going
to do us some good. it's making the both of us realize just
how big of a part we are to each others life and how much
we love the other person...i think what the problem was it
that we always expected the other to be there no matter
what, just ot always have then there waiting. cause thats
how it was. but now that we don't have each other there we
are both realizing how much we love the other, and i dn't
think we will be taking the other for granted any
more...and every moment that we spend talking will be
filled with nothing but love. i can't until sunday. and in
a way i don't want tomorrow to come cause i'll have to go
another whole day without him, but then i do want the day
to come cause i want ot know just how much i miss jeremy
and how much pain i'll be in without him. i know i sound
crazy....but i want ot know how much i love him and how
it's going ot hit me tomorrow after 2 days of nothing, oh
and don't worry i'll make sure i write everything down that
i go through....whether it be that im ok....or that i spent
the whle day in bed crying over him.....good and bad....i
want to remember it all so later on i can look back and see
wha ti went through without him if it starts to get messed
up again!!!!! actually i hope it really hurts tomorrow
believe it or not cause then i'll know i can't live without
him and i will be read to just give all of myself to him
(no im not talking about sex, i already decided that i am
going to wait until i am completely sure) but i will be
able to tell him anything and everything and no longer have
to keep things from him. you know someone once told me
something that i think really applys here...."Things aren't
always what they seem" ~ meaning sometimes that is exactly
what happens when things don't turn out the way they
should. if you have faith, you jsut need to trust every
outcome is always to your advantage.....even though you
might not know it until some time later!(there a little
story to go along with it i'll write it on a differnt enrty
in case you would like ot read it. it will be called -
things aren't always what they seem)lol. s thats what i
believe is happening here with jeremy and i. i think all
this pain might end up being a blessing in a way, i hope
so! cause i love jeremy and i don't want to loss him!


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