F**KED up life
2001-04-20 00:00:53 (UTC)

Today . . .

last night i found out that she was pissed at me. i asked
why, she never told me. she said it wasnt anything big. and
if she is mad at me it is something. oh well i guess i just
have to wair it out. like always. and im trying to talk to
her right now but she istn talking to me???

and last night i felt like fucking shit!!i sat there in bed
thinking about suicide again! thinking about why it would
be good. and why not. and the only reason i can think of to
stay alive is for other people. and that is big enough
reason to do it.

and i keep thinking that she is cheating on me. i know shes
not. or really hope shes not.but she lives to far and i
dont know any one but one person that she hangs out with.
so i could never know. i dont spy on her or anything
through her friend. i just trust her enough when she says
she loves me that she really dose and that she isnt
cheating on me.