It's ok to be crazy
2002-01-24 20:08:37 (UTC)

i don't want to talk about it

there has been something filling my head for a couple of
weeks now. my shrink say that i should confront my brother
about what happened. just haz do i go about doing that? my
brother and i haven't had a relationship since all that
shit went down. it has been years since i have had a
conversation with him and to sit down and actually talk to
him about it just seems in possible to me.
i don't think there will ever be a chance of us ever having
a brother sister relationship so really....what is the
point? what good will it do to bring up the past in both of
our heads. for all i know he doesn't even remember what
happened. i just don't know if it is really worth all the
problems it can bring about.i prefere to be the only one
having to do with it. yeah i am a freak.

i have been having really weird dreams lately. you know
the kind of dreams that just stick with you, replaying over
and over inside your head untill it makes you crazy. the
dream that has bothered me the most is one about my
reguardless of our lack of a relationship. our
relationship is the strongest it has been in years. we used
to have these really violent fights. you know all the good
stuff...throwing, yelling, kicking, hitting. it was really
bad for a long time. but we have pretty much gotten along
since moved out though.
anyways on to my dream...in my dream. we were fighting
again. i don't knnow it may sound really simple and stupid
but it just scars me that may that could happen again. so
that kind of scared me away from. talking to him.
oh well i am off to work.