Ad 2:
2002-01-24 14:39:37 (UTC)


so i just got home from a fun filled trip on i4 in rush
hour fucking morning traffic. and i get to look forward to
leaving for school in less than ten mins, if im good, and
then coming home again after the one class that i have that
will be spent in the library, where i will sit and stare
blanky at a computer screen writing down a url here and
there. to seem productive. but, i do not feel productive
today. i dont feel like anything at all today really. i
just feel. blah. not good. not bad. not anything. just
blah. music will make me happy and i will sing along with
it and smile at the lyrics that make me think of people.
but what is music anyway. controled noise. or even,
uncontrolled. i have a whole box of brownies beside me and
im not even eating them. i didnt eat dinner last night. i
had oatmeal with emily. and i cant remember what else i had
yesturday besides that. like three french fries. yeah.
eating is a chore. so is waking up. and trying to please
the people around me constantly. being fake to people at
school so that i can get a decent grade. pretending to be
taking notes instead of writing notes. i dont NEED to take
them. i never have. and i think im doing alright. but you
know, yeah, its what they all expect and you have to give
them what they want. or else. youre just a slacker. i dont
learn like other people. but whatever. its pointless. work
should be fun too. being fake to a bunch of fucking drug
addicts who all are just trying to prove to themselves and
to their friends that theyre cool. i should be pretty cool,
eh? cuz i work there. yeah. well. i guess im just not. im
still in a sort of shock from what doo said last night.
but...then again. i should stop being so surprised by
things of these sort. i called one person who i thought
would make me feel better and i got "people leave ashley,
you know this. its just what they do", another person
said "people leave ashley. its what they do." and another
person said "dont come over here if youre in a bad mood."
so...whatever. alright people.
here i am. not caring anymore.

one person also said
"if it wasnt for people like you ashley. the world would be
even worse. because no one would give a shit"

damn shes really hot.

im late.