*brokenangel*

a freak with a heart
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2002-01-24 13:55:14 (UTC)

What do i do now?

Dear Diary,

i am so lost. i don't know what to do any more. Jeremy
and i have been having problems with our relatiomship over
the last month...i seems like every day we fight, not one
day goes by when one of us is not pissing the other off in
some way. usually we talk every day for 4 hour, and we
never upset each other....but now we talk like maybe 2
hours a day if both of us come online, and most of that
time is spent agruing over somethings small. we don't even
treat each other hte same anymore. we used to treat each
other with such care and love and now it's like we are jsut
friends. we both still love each other with all our hearts
but if you were to look at how we treat each other you
would think that we were just friends and not even really
good friends...i don't know there just seems to be a lot
that has been bothering me lately. he doesn't treat me like
he used to, now is seems like he just says what he want's
to me and doesn't even care about my feeling and i have to
say i am guilty of the same thing. i don't know why though
i mean i love him more now then i did when i first met him,
but it's differnet. and there are so many things that he
does sometimes that i just want to yell my head off at him
or something, when before....i wouldn't care less about
anytihng that he did even if it hurst me i wouldn't tell
him or get mad at him cause i know he probably didn't mean
it that way and i was just taking it the wrong way. but not
anymore. and im scared cause i love him with all my heart
and i couldn't imagine our relationship being over. i mean
we have planed out our future together, we are ment to be
together.....so then why are we going through this. so
finally last night i told jeremy that something wasn't
right anymore, and that we were killing each other and that
we needed to do something about it if we were to save what
was left of our most wonderful relationship. so we came to
a solution that would hurt both of us but in the end you
fix what we have broken. we decided that we would spent 3
whole days apart from each other. we you know what i mean,
cause he lives in SC we don't see each other any way but
when i say apart i mean completely apart...we are not going
to talk, IM, or even leave each other emails for the next 3
days. we think that we just need some time apart cause we
both ar so used to the other one being there all the time.
and that can't happen and i think thats why we have both
been so jumpy and on edge with each other. i know i have to
do this....cause in the end it will bring us closer
together again like we were. but it's hard, i mean he's
always been there for me whenever i needed him. and i've
always been there for him. and now i need him the most in
my life and i can't even talk to him, i promised i wouldn't
for 3 days. it hasn't even been one day yet just over night
and 3 hours that i haven't talk to him or even left him an
email. i don't know how i am going to make it through this.
he's apart of who i am, and i am so lost with out him right
now. last night i cried myself so sleep, i laied in bed
crying for 2 hours until i finally fell asleep. it hurts so
much to be away from him. i need him! i miss him. i am glad
i decided to do this, it's teaching me about just how much
i love him, and what my life would be like again without
him. And i hate it, which makes me love him even more! only
2 a 3/4 a day to go!!!!! i hope he misses me just as much,
and i hope he loves me as much as i lvoe him, and i know
this many sound mean but try to understand,....but ...i
hope he's hurting as much as i am. not because i want him
to hurt but because i want him to realize what it would be
like with out me and if he is hurting as much as i am then
i know we will survive this and we will be together for
ever, cause that means he loves me as much as i love
him....and that love over powers all., and nothing could
even compare! till later bye. and jeremy i love you i know
you don't read this casue you don't even have my name but
just know, that i love you, and i miss you!

*brokenangel*


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