Guzzler

The ramblings of Guzzler
2002-01-24 02:10:47 (UTC)

The Begining (the background to my life)

Where shall I begin? I suppose I should really start about
6-8 months ago. I was a finalist at uni and was going out
with this very lovely sweet girl (Alice). We had been going
out since 22/3/99 and it was getting quite serious. We were
planning on moving in together and spending lots of time
with each other. Life infact (marriage had not really been
discussed but spending our life together had been!!). It
had become quite stressed. I was in the middle of my finals
and she was working towards her exams too. Her mother had
just come out of rehab (for alcohol - more on this later).
But we seemed to be getting along ok.

She then cleated on me with a 34 year old man (Pete) who
has a long term girlfriend and 4 kids. She lied about it.
Said she needed time to think if she wanted to go out with
me any more. 2 weeks pass and she decides to tell me it is
all over. The very next day I find out about Pete. I go out
and get drunk. Very drunk. I hurt. I hurt so much I want to
die. And as a recovering alcoholic (16 months dry) I
decided it was the best way. I got drunk for a very long
time. 10 days later she started going out with Rob. Rob and
I used to go out (briefly - I doubted my sexuallity for a
while and then decided I was straight). Rob was the bloke
who gave me oral sex - while I was asleep. Without my
consent. I continued to drink.

Stuff happened and Alice and I ended up in bed together. I
caught scabies. She had caught it from Rob. We shagged a
couple of times before deciding that we should never do it
again. Once diagnosed with scabies (it took a while!!)
Alice dumped Rob. The then started going out with Phil.

About two weeks before she dumped Rob I moved into the
extra room in the house so I am now sharing a house with
this girl.

About two weeks before that I realised that I was recking
my life and gave up the drink.

She dated Phil for a while and then told me that she wanted
me back. I agreed. She then woke up and had a bath - and
dumped me again.

About mid December she begged me to take her back. She
dumped Phil and I agreed. We spent xmas together and
planned to spend the new year together as well. 28/12/01
she goes back to see her grandparents and spends new year
with other people. When she comes back she tells me that
she needs time to think what she wants. She doesn't know if
she wants me or not.

Well that is the background (ish) and now on to today.

23/1/02 My birthday. My sodding birthday. I'm 23. This has
probbably been the worst birthday I can remember. Midnight:
Alice gives me a prezzy and says happy birthday. 2am: Alice
breaks down and I have to confort her (again - I spend a
lot of time doing this) because we had a silly arguement.
5am: I go to bed. 11.45am I wake and panic - I'm due at
work at 12 so catch a cab. 5:45pm finally home from work to
an empty house. Read my cards and ring my parents. Finally
someone else in the house turns up. (There are three of us
here me, ALice and Stewart). Eventually all three of us are
in and we watch a little tv. Alice cooks me dinner (yum!!).
Alice then goes online for a while to email and stuff.
About 10pm me and Alice go to the pub for coke (the drink -
cos we both don't drink). 11pm. In the pub Alice tells me
it is all over.

I feel like crap. I feel that my heart has been pulled out
from inside me and I'm dying. I just don't know how to
continue any more. I've been here before and it hurt.

And to add to the problems two of my aunts are seriously
ill in hospital.




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