out of reach
2002-01-24 01:33:35 (UTC)

the rocks scraping my back

someone jacked my cd player out of my car at school today.
they also took twenty bucks i think. i hate my school.
why do people have to be such assholes. yes i should have
locked my car but i was there for one period! once again,
i hate my school. it made me really upset because
listening to music while i'm driving calms me down a whole
lot. without my cd player i'm surprised i didn't get into
an accident on the way home. i become very rash and
impulsive when i'm angry. i think alot about how i wish
someone would just cross the double yellow line and crash
into me. i'd never be able to do anything self
destructive. but sometimes i wish destructive things would
happen to me just so i can feel a sense of relief that its
all over. i prolly shouldn't say that because it makes me
sound a little insane. i'm alright though.

snowboarding today was awesome. i forgot how fun it was to
actually go with someone else. i'm finally working up the
guts to try some jumps. i just hit some small ones today.
i barely got off the ground but i was proud and happy. i
love to snowboard. whether i'm good or not. its frees my
mind and makes me happy.

i'm still having issues with my lack of motivation. today
i went in late to school. i didn't have an exam so i
really didn't have to but still. i should have gotten
myself up and suffered through it. i think if i keep
confronting and realizing my problem, i'll eventually
overcome it. i just have to stop making excuses for
myself. i need to get my act together.