JZsLittleGirl

Drama Queen
2002-01-24 01:05:50 (UTC)

lord...

What it is that my fiancee sees in me is something that I
dont think I will EVER figure out! I swear i did it again
today. I said something that was so rediculous... I was
upset cause we have never just slept together... and after
I said it i realized that we have never had the chance. I
always fall asleep and then we have to go somewhere or he
has to leave so there isnt a chance for him to fall asleep
or he would be caught. he is just watching out for me and I
said I as upset with his for that! WHAT WAS I THINKING!?!?
A while back I got on him about something as stupid as
the fact that he couldnt be online for as long as he use to
be able to... DUH! he has a life now, a mom and sister to
share the computer with, life doesnt revolve around me! I
know that if he could he would be here every waking second,
but he cant and that is whyhe isnt and i want to shoot
myself for EVER telling him that wasnt good enough for me
cause it is and I love what I have and I know that is what
he can give, and I really dont even deserve that!
Some days I think that he is going to wake up and realize
that he could be dating some other chick who wouldnt be as
stupid as me and would think before she talked... I dont
know that I will do when he does but I know that he will,
and I wont be suprised if it is soon.
I told him today that i wanted to look better for him and
he suported me. He is always telling me that he LOVES my
body and that i dont have to change it but he supported me
anyways cause it was something tha ti wanted to do... I
dont even know how he could be so sweet... I mean god!! I
know that if there is something that I like and he wants to
change cause it is going to make him feel better I would
then I would suporrt him.. but still!
I dont know what it is in me that is so fucked up as to
worry him with such stupid things! I love him SOOO much and
want him to be happy more then ANYTHING and I just dont
feel like i am doing that for him anymore! I feel like I am
bringing more bad to him then I am bringing good! All I
bring is anger frustration and pain... who wants that?
Well.. I know that he doesnt want to come online so he
most likely wont and that is alright with me but I still
cant help but feel that I am not worth his time... we will
see what happens...




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