exasperation

Mommy...

Mommy...
I'm not the girl you think I am
I'm not the girl I used to be..
i'm not perfect in every way...
Is that okay?
I'm not the girl I used to be...
Do you still love me?
Even though I don't get the perfect grade
Every time it's not 100 percent...A....
I mess up what I do...
I promise I don't mean to...
Sometimes I cheat and lie
Sometimes I don't put effort or try
Sometimes I fight with daddy and you hear
go to bed crying... I have so much to fear
Sometimes you fight with him too
That doesn't make me not love you...
Sometimes I yell...sometimes I scream
I say that I hate you...something I don't mean.
I speak nasty words
I flip you the bird
That doesn't mean I don't love you...
Do you still love me too?
Last night I heard you crying
I heard you and daddy sigh
"we've got to get her under control"
"make sure she's aware of her role?"
Does that mean you don't love me?
Mommy...I'm scared...what are you saying?
Am I really so bad?
Do I make you THAT mad?
Mommy...what do you want me to do?
I'll do anything for you....
Just please...don't stop loving me....
I'll do whatever you need...
Mommy...did I make you cry?
Do I just make you want to die?
Do you want to send me away?
I take back all the mean words I say...
Mommy...who do you want me to be?
Have you given up on me?
I'll change for you...
If you want me to...
I'm sorry I'm not the sweet little girl
I'm sorry I don't mean shit in this world
I'm sorry I swear every now and then
I'm sorry my IQ isn't 210
I'm sorry I'm not who you want me to be...
Do you still love me?
Mommy....were you perfect when you were a teen?
Were you sweet? Or were you mean?
Did you make a mistake here and there?
Did you ever forget to care?
did you get straight A's in school?
Did you always follow all the rules?
When you were bad did grandma not love you?
Maybe that's why you do what you do..
Well mommy...it's different now...
I don't know why...don't know how...
but everything changes
that's the way it is
Do you want me to grow up and be like you?
Make all the mistakes that you did too?
Do you want my baby to have to go through
all the things that I had to?
No. I'll love her and accept her
No matter what her words
If she's bad...if I cry...
I'll yell yes...but not make her want to die.
After I'm done...I'll pat her on the head
Tell her I love her till the day that I'm dead
Not make her think these horrible things
Not cry tears that mean words bring
Mommy...can you do that for me?
Mommy...do you still love me?

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Alright, it's no work of art...as usual...but...I uh...was
a little upset 'bout my mom...cause sometimes it really
seems like she hates me or something.. I don't know.

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