Sleeping with the lights on
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2002-01-23 23:06:53 (UTC)

Just give me somethin, I'll take nothin..

I don't believe that Clyde stopped at my house today.
Everything was going okay. It's been 5 days since I smoked
weed and I'm fiending really bad. I feel like I'm going
fucking insane.
WHY DID HE STOP AT MY HOUSE!! Like fucking nothing ever
happened..he just left without telling me. I was so scared
that he was hurt..that he was in jail..and he just went to
It felt so good to hug him..
Why why why..why did I tell him that he could come back. He
is going to come back, I didn't tell him that he couldn't.
But he'll be gone in two weeks.. WHAT ..why...I can't take
this. I loved him, and I would have done anything for
him..and now he's back and I don't know what to do. He
hugged me so tight, and it just made me want to die.
HE HURT ME SO BAD. and I still want to be with him, but I
can't!!! Ya know, coz he's 20 and he's just fucking with my
emotions..and I love Jeff.
I don't need this fucking shit.
I feel like I'm going insane. I really do. And I can't tell
Jeff that I quit smoking weed for some reason. I keep
shaking and shit, and seeing things that aren't there..

Why is he coming back..

Why didn't I want him to leave..

And I don't know why I still have any kind of feelings for
him after he hurt me so bad.

Then I think that I'm trapped, and I can't get out of this
place..and I don't want to lose my friends b/c I quit doing
drugs, but it seems like I'm going to..

I beg you so much more than you can ever give, but i don't
want you to adore me i want you to ignore me..when it
pleases you..