a little piece of me
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2002-01-23 20:40:14 (UTC)

how do i feel? what do i say? in the end it all goes away...

just a few minutes ago, brett asked me a very simple
question. for some reason, any time anyone has asked me
this little question lately, i just can't seem to answer
it. how dumb am i? the question? the magical question is
simply 'how ya feeling?'. my reply lately...'i dont
know!'. and for a while there, i didn't know. but i think
i do now. i feel disappointed. disappointed in myself for
a billion reasons. for who i am, for the life i've lived,
for some of the choices i've made, for some of the things
i've said, and some of the things i haven't said, for how i
act, and on and on.

i should do something to change then, i know. but i've
lost all motivation to do anything. hell, i can't even
think straight. my head feels like it's in a vice, and my
mind is cloudy. i've been thinking about all kinds of
things lately...i just wish i could turn it all off for
just a little while. give my poor excuse of a brain a
chance to rest.

enough for now. going to go make some tea, work on my
design sketches, then go to bed. i'm crashing early