fucked up
2002-01-23 18:40:04 (UTC)

more shit

eric started a diary. i read it. he told me about it so
i ussumed it was ok. NOw i kind of wish that i hadn't. I
had told mars that when i was talking to eric i was afraid
to say anything to him. I wanted to hurt him just so that
he would never talk to me again. I want to do that to all
of my friends. If you never talk to me i can't hurt you.
Other wise I WILL! its inevitable. I didn't want to hurt
him anymore. And another thing was that he scares me when
he get s really emotional. He drives verry recously. He
did it with logan in the car once. it scared the fuck out
of me. From his diary on another site:
"I found out last night
that my ex now has a new bf and when I found that out I
completely flipped... I felt hurt, rage, anger, jelous,
sad, and many other emotions..... I have never really
been a jelous kind of guy... I have no idea where that
rage and jelousy came from.... oh wait I know where the
rage came from... I have a serious anger problem... I
don't get angry alot but when I do... oh god it frightens
me... "
"I don't remember much about driving there...
didn't take long seeing as how I was doing somewhere
around 100 untill I got to the road the police station is
on... "
That scares the shit out of me. I can't take this. How
can i be happy when he isn't. But at the same time who am
i to hurt matt. Actually if i just fuck it over now it
will be less hurt then if it happens later. I don't
care. I don't know what the fuck is going on. All i know
is that im crying and almost threw myself into another
panic attack. I'm not even done reading his entry. I am
so fucking stupid i piss myself off.