blondzila

Kinetic
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2002-01-23 12:05:01 (UTC)

Flashbacks

I added a response to something gemma said on one of the
groups today that made me realize it's been a good few
years (and I use that word good with pride and joy) since
I've had any kind of flashbacks that I can remember. I
know sometimes, especially in the late winter/early spring
it is on my conscious mind, but that I can control more,
that I can reason myself sane again. It is the sneak
attacks, the night terrors, the sweats and shakes that
sometimes really make me feel quite crazy.

I think it's incredibly arrogant of me though to assume I'm
the only one that feels that way. I've done enough
research on the topic and any one I can even peripherally
relate to it and my reactions are quite typical. But
therein again lies the rub - humans are so full of
dichotomy: they want to know "yes I am special and unique"
but they also don't want to feel alone. I know I'm not
alone in this but somehow don't feel typical.

The older I get the more responsive and proactive I can be
to this though. I have pinned down the time frame where
these bastard nightmares usually arise and what
circumstances are likly to be surrounding it - tired, very
very tired, tired in the head and heart, not the body, and
usually seeing something related around me, even something
as small a trigger as childrens clothing. Knowing these I
can be forearmed.

Sound brave, don't I? Sometimes....though sitting here
thinking about this I can feel my heart starting to beat
faster...think it's time to finish for now.

~B


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