Unholy and Dirty and Beautiful Me
2002-01-23 10:05:41 (UTC)

Self Neglect

I'm really dumb sometimes. I eat too much. Drink too much.
Smoke too much. Don't sleep enough. I waste so much time
here on the computer, and I've recently picked up an even
worse habit of coming home from work and vegging out on the
couch (in front of tv....bad) and passing out. I say stupid
things to people. I put off important stuff like cleaning &
laundry. I complain about my job. I waste way too much

It's almost 5am and yes, I'm up. I passed out around 9pm
on the couch & woke around 3am. Killed two hours, a beer,
some chocolates and countless cigarettes sitting here on
this machine.

I'm still thinking about D a lot, but I've pretty much
ruled out the possibility of us getting back together
because he hasn't tried to reach me again and who's kidding
who here....he won't. I'm a fool for letting myself believe
it might have happened. I'll be lucky if he'll be my
friend. Lucky until some other great girl comes along and
steals his heart away forever. I'm so pathetic 'cause he's
the only one I want and I've really got to get past that.

This is driving me to depression. How can it matter so
much NOW? Why is my heart so sad? Why does this weigh heavy
on my mind and body? Why do I let myself get this way?