It's ok to be crazy
2002-01-23 07:23:16 (UTC)

just another idiot

jon and i are still together. we are happy i think. but its
just hard. i have these intense thoughts about him things
like getting married and haveing children a growing old
together. thoughts that by themselves are very sweet and
very wonderful. but then the rest of those thoughts come.
those are things that wil never happen. jon will never
marry me and that just hurts me so much. last night we were
handging out and talking. i started thinking about how much
i love him and then started to realize it doesn't
matterbecause nothing is going to come of it. at least
nothing that i am really looking for. WHAT AM I DOING?????
I don't know. i just love someone i shouldn't. i am an
idiot but there isn't too much i can do about that. i guess
i will just have to deal with all that crap and then with
all the pain that it brings when it comes. i am just not
ready for that yet.