luvhr21

One Day
2002-01-23 04:44:43 (UTC)

about my God

I've struggled with religion and it's binding, restricting
form of conformity most of my life. I hate it. I remember
as a child (I'm 23 now)being petrified of hell, with it's
fire and brimstone. I used to watch the preacher's mouth
flap open and close again and think about how
miserable "Heaven" sounded: Bands of angels; choirs of
angels; harps; gates; mansions and shanties (based on your
faith); wings; gardens; streets of gold; golden streams.
As the preacher's mouth gaped open I would
contimplate "hell." How bad could it really be? Sure, it
had snakes and fire, but it also had a few things going for
it. For instance, in hell you could gamble, wear jeans on
Sunday, frolic with the whores, chat with the homosexuals,
relax with the addicts, and be yourself...without regaurd
to further punishment. Why? Because you were already in
HELL!!! It made sense to me. I guess I thought that if
worse came to worse I could try to spit of piss out the
fire. It just made more sense to me to want to be in
hell...if that was one of my only two options. Why not
choose the lesser of two evils...so to speak.
I was not then, nor am I now a devil worshiper, a satanist
or anything else along those lines. One has to believe in
such entities before one can commit to worshipping. To
denounce the devil, I would also have to denounce
god...right? Well, if we're talking about the wrathful
christian god, I would have to agree with that. I refuse
to believe in a god that picks and chooses who HE picks
on. I refuse to believe in a god that supports the
mentality of "hate the sin, not the sinner." Hate being
the oppritive word. I will not choose to believe (and it
is just that, a choice) in a god that is full of wrath and
so coniving as to ban "sinners" from HIS "kingdom of
glory!"
I have come to my "own" conclusions. God, the one I pray
to, cannot be defined by any one thing, nor the lack there
of. My God is everything and nothing all at once. There
is absolutely no hate nor judgement (only observations).
The God I pray to tells me that I am perfect. My One says
that I'm exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I
need to be doing to experience exactly what I am
experiencing...which will lead to my own personal growth.
I am one with my God, because I am in fact one of It's
own. My God is the sun and moon, the stars in the night
sky, the homeless man on the street, the tree in a desolate
field, a baby's first cry, a woman's last breath, a thief
in the night, a police officer slain, the earth beneath my
feet, the word on your lips, the laughter of a child, the
song in his heart, the first kiss, the first touch, the
first sound, the first light of morning, the last darkness
before dawn, the wood of your desk, the graphite in my
pencil, the alpha and the omega, you and me! My God, the
one I call Devine, is the All of Everything.
That brings me peace and my peace brings me my Heaven.
-me :o)




Ad: