I bet you didn't know that I layed on my side shaking
waitning for fifteen minuted to pass so that I could get
rid of the laxitive inside me. I bet you didn't know that
I sat on the toilet crying as the surges of pain passed
through my body. I bet you didn't know that I had been
hunched over that same toilet earlier today jamming two of
my fingers down my throat so that I could get rid of some
of that I had eaten. I bet you didn't know that I am
scared that I might be pregnant because I went against you
advice and let William have sex with me. I bet you didn't
know that I spend half of my day thinking about how much
longer I have left to deal with life. I bet you didn't
know that at one point I kept a kitchen knife in my
cabinet and almost used it but then you walked in and I
had to hide it. I bet you don't understand how much I am
sorry that I didn't turn out more like the person you
wanted me to be.....although I know that when I was
younger I was. I want you to know that I am so so sorry
that you got me instead of the daughter you deserve. I
just wanted you to know that I am not who you think I am
and that I am simply sorry.
Where do I begin?? I think I love you but I honestly
can't stand you as a person. Maybe its not you maybe its
me. Maybe all of the thoughts towards you have been
manafested my mom. But then again, I really wish you
would exept me for who I am. I know that you don't. I
know that. I can tell by the way you look at me
sometimes. I know that in you mind you are thinking of
what I could have been. I am sorry I don't play tennis.
I am sorry I am not thin. I am sorry! I just want you to
know that I feel bad that I am not who you want me to be.
You really don't understand what you do to me! YOu
really can't comprehend what I go through when I see you.
In some strange way you are so above me that I just can't
think of why you are even bothering with me. It must be
because you are a typical guy. You only even talk to me
because you know that you can have me. Did it ever occur
to you that you took my virginity? I don't think you even
care.... I am sorry I let you have me. You could have
done better, and I could have saved myself. It kills me
that you had sex with me and that it did not mean a thing
to you. I don't know what it is about you.....I honestly
don't. I wish I could be what you wanted. But, I also
wish that I could walk away from you. I shouldn;t be
blaming my problems on you though....I agreed to. It is
my fault souly. I am sorry.
By the way asshole, I just learned some new information! I
can't believe you you son of a bitch! How in the hell can you think
that I would give you an std???? How in the hell can you think
that? YOu are the only person that I have ever really been with!
You asshole!!! How could you think that????
What have you done to yourself? I don't understand
what went wrong. You ulgy slut! You discusting excuse
for a person. You fat slob. You are so low that you
can't even control what you eat. You can't even control a
simple life function! What makes you think that you can
control your lofe? Why won't you just die? Why won't you
do the world that one favor? Obviously you just can't
cope with life. Obviously you have failed. I can't think
of how there is any hope left for you. I just can't.
Quit blaming you faults and problems on other people. It
isn't them, it is you! They have their life together. I
wish you would die! God, I wish you would die!