Bryan_Erdmann

Bryans Journal
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2002-01-23 01:38:56 (UTC)

Consequential Apathy

It's said that no one can make you feel any certain way
without you letting them. I'm finding that harder and
harder to believe as time passes. It's not very easy to
choose how you feel. You have a natural reactions and
feelings to certain things, and therefore, if someone
triggers one of those natural reactions, it MAKES you feel
a certain way doesn't it? Someone can break up with you
make you feel horrible, wonder whats wrong with you, and
you can try as hard you can to feel better and to choose to
move on and not resent that person. Sometimes, the person
just won't allow you to do that though. They continue to
hurt you and lie to you and "reopen" the wound they caused
in the first place. Time will heal, but the scar still
remains. The scar reminds you of what you once had and
lost. Somethings from a relatinoship can be salvaged. You
can still be close friends. But being close friends
requires mutual support, trust, and honesty. Something I
have yet to find. I try and try, but keep getting let down
and disappointed. I've come to a realization that I can't
let someone control me in such a way. I need control of my
feelings back. The only way I can allow that is through
apathy. And don't blame me for this apathy, its
consequential to their/your actions and its time I look out
for myself for once. You caused this pain, you caused this
apathy, the only one to blame is you. All I can say is if
you value the relationship we had, you wouldn't let this
happen. And you did. Thanks for the learning experience. I
won't make the same mistake again. *


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