Candi

Back to school

Looking around, I ask myself will they ever be my real
friends? Will I be able to trust them? Do they even like
me? Do they know who I am? Do I know who they are?
I grew up with the people from home. They know who I am,
not just the mask I many times put on. We are more to each
other than aquaintances. We have shared struggles, life,
death, and everything in between. The people here don't see
me quite the same way. I don't feel like I have ANY real
friends. Julia is a great roomate and we have lots of fun
together, but I think she is just bored of hanging out with
me. Cara and I are buddies too, but I don't know if we'll
ever really be close. Tara is so much fun too, and I think
we have a lot in common and potential to be great friends.
It just doesn't seem like it will ever happen. Then there
are my friends from class and lunch. All of them rock, but
I don't know if I have a true bond forming with any of
them. Even Steve, who I talk to a lot and have fun with, it
just doesn't seem to be all there. I don't want a boyfriend
right now, although it would be nice. I don't want all the
riches in the world, that'd be nice too. I would even give
up my quest for the perfect body just to have a really good
friend to talk to and spend time with. Technically I
shouldn't expect to have lots of close friends yet because
it's only been a few months. But it is a long few months to
be without a close friend. I need someone to bond with. To
give me a hug whenever. Someone that is crazy like me, but
can come down to earth and be normal.
That is the other problem. Sometimes I have no control over
what I say it seems. Words come out of my mouth that I
didn't even think. Then people get the wrong impression of
me. Some think I am some kind of nimpho. Others just think
I am a dumb blonde or a spaz. It isn't fair. Why won't
anyone sit down and talk to me