2002-01-22 21:34:51 (UTC)

hiding underneath the smoke in the room...

im running fast.. cant hide the past...

wow what a bad weird day. i have to go to work soon. matt
just left... we had a fight today. not even a fight,
because he was only a little mad and i was more sad than
mad. we were over in my spot, and i had just written
richard a really long note so things were on my mind a lot,
and i was like so what do you think of me moving out of
town in a few months,and he was like we already talked
about this you arent going to get in all making light of it
and i was like what if i say im going even if i dont get in
and hes like now why would you do that and i was like i
have to get out of that house and out of this town and he
got mad and hes like well i dont know what you want me to
say adrienne, you can do whatever you want but i dont know
why you want to up and leave to go to a different place
with quite possibly the same situation. and i was like why
not i dont have shit here and he was like you have a lot
here and i was like like what and he was like i shouldnt
have to tell you adrienne and i was like well maybe it'll
be easier for me, being 2 hours away from you, since you
and my mom are the two people that can make me want to die
in 2 seconds and he was like there will be mes and your
moms there too, and i was like i really dont think so and
he was like look when you moved here you kept in touch with
your friends in sarasota and i was like you cant even
fucking call me to tell me if you need me to give you a
ride and im supposed to expect us to keep in touch that
wasnt the fucking fucking plan, for us to go our seperate
ways and KEEP IN TOUCH which he wont anyway, and he was
like you wont be happy there you cant just leave and be
immersed in happiness, it wasnt the place or the people it
was just the time, you cant just go back...

god. then he came over after school... hes supposed to
come over tomorrow too... it hurts so much sometimes, being
around him... i have to go carolines on her way over.

so so so
tired tired tired
of of of
smiling pretending hiding