PixieDust66

Entry from 8/15/00

Written on August 15, 2000

Well, this is a fine mess I am in. My mind is so foggy and
un-clear. I know what I want to do~but not sure how to do
it. I really cannot get SAB out of my mind I miss my life
with him. I need to see him and know if we can still be
together. It will take seeing him, it will take my heart
beating out of my chest. If that doesn't happen, I know
that I can let him go and not look back. I know that I can
get on with my life and stop dreaming about us getting
together. Then I need to start getting my life with the
girls together. I cannot stay here. I made up my mind to
leave SAB, or was my mind made up for me? SAB definately
was not givng me what I needed...and I am not sure if we
will ever be together ~ but I need to look at him and feel
his vibe. If he is not warm and receptive, then I will
know. I know in my heat that he will not take me back.
That makes me sad...but I am strong. I know that I will
survive, one way or another. I fee that I am pressuring him
to see me. That I want answers NOW ~ I DO! I wil force him
to reject me...I am sure. I would wait for him to come to
me but that will be a cold day in hell.