A Girl's life
2001-04-18 22:49:51 (UTC)

April 18,2001

Dear Diary,
Well today is officially my first day wrting to you.I'm
actually pretty excited.But I'm also kindda nervous.This
diary can be read by tons of people,but I need to learn how
to've been going through a lot lately.Especially
with this MTV thing.To be brief about it(I'll get more
detalied another time).Back in December 2000,MTV was having
auditions for a show called VJ 4 A DAY.I heard about the
auditions from a friends of mine from school.I wanted to do
it so bad,so I called mtv like every freakin day,and they
told me that they'd have auditions on a thursday I think it
was.So I actually went downtown with a friend of mine and
we waited in line for about 2 hours.I was just
laughing,caue I knew that I wouldn't get picked.But I just
wanted to audition for the hell of it.All these mtv people
kept passing me by and ignoring me.I was like"um,hello,i'm
still waiting".No one gave me the time of day.In the end I
snuck into the auditions.I was so cold,I remember I was
shivering when I auditioned.Then I was ready to leave when
they told me that Carson was gonna talk to me on the
air.Then mtv told me to go upstairs,so I did.When we got
upstairs,I basically just chilled,and people were telling
me i did a good job,i was like,sure,ok.I thought it was
funny,up until they called 6 names as semi-finalists,and I
was one of them.I was in shock.After the show,we all went
to the 23rd floor and signed cotracts and a bunch of other
stuff.I got along great with Wole and Luke,I always manage
to chill with we were there talking about
tomorrow,and mtv told us to be back at 1:30 or 2pm.
The next day,I was freaking out,I was so nervous.Mtv
told every1 to bring loungage the day before,because the 3
people who won that day,would go to the New year's eve
party and be a part of mtv for the weekend.So that whole
day,I was in the pantry(mtv kitchen)and I listened to DREAM
the whole time.Wole listened to it for a bit too.He as mad
funny.Mtv basically told us what was gonna be ask,but we
didnt know who was gonna get asked what,he said it was all
abou TRL,so I wasn't nervous anymore.Cause I know my TRL
shit.haha!I alrady in my mind had an idea about who would
make it.I thought it'd be me,Wole,and Luke.I didnt think
Charity had a chance,but she went againt that tall girl who
looked high all the time.And so it was me,luke,and
charity.I was surprised Wole didnt get it.I thought it'd be
cool to have him in the hotel room with us.But it was so
much fun after that.As soon as the show was over,we were
followed by cameras.I was crying like an idiot,but DREAM
said they were so happy I got it.I was happy too.When we
got to the hotel it was crazy.I mean them cameras were
everywhere,and people were just I loved
it.During the weekend,we basically chilled,and Charity was
never in the room,so I was with Luke alll the time.We drank
champagne and we chilled and talked about life.I honeslt
thought that Luke would be the one to win from the 3 of
us.On New year's,it was a hectic day,those damn cameras
were in out room at 12.And they taped us getting ready,we
had to do things like 5 times to get it right.It was so charity was like killing it,becasue she was so
fake in front of the camera,Luke and I just trash talked.I
felt guilty,but I still love charity,she's cute,but she
wasn't fit for VJ,not at all.Well on that night,we were
supposed to be at mtv at 3pm,and then we just did a script
rehearsal.Mandy moore was there,so was rachel leigh
cook,Carson,so many people.We were in sound check with P
roach,and coby looked at me,i was like mad happy.Then we
just ate,and I met Gideon for the first time.Man is he cute!
That whole day all I did was talk about how I wanted him to
be my kiss at we went and got our makeup done
b4 the show.Then at 8:30 we went outside.I met hilarry for
the first time.We got along so great.She said"joanny,ur my
favorite"i was so happy.It was so cold outside,and there
were so many people.It was my first time going to Times
Square for new year's.I just made so many dreams come true
in so little time.I was happy.Well we were hardly on
camera,and Ray told me"joanny,are u gonna be my kiss at
midnight"?I was blushing,and we all chilled the whole
night.It was fun.I was dancing like crazy when the music
started to play.I was bumping butss with hillary and Ray,we
were having a blast.Thenit was midnight and Ray and Hillary
and me were crying.We were so happy.It was awesome!Then
after the show,we all went to the 23rd floor and we chilled
with P roach.Coby was talking to me,and asked me if i
wanted a REAL drink(a beer).oy,they were smiking some shit
up there,it was freaking smellin like HEAVY weed.ah,after that night,we went bac to out hotel
room to pak out shit.And everyone went downstairs.Luke and
I were the last ones to go out.We took the elevator,And
inside was GIDEON! I almost died.And we were talking and he
introduced himself to me.I was so he was
telling us how if we wanted,he could give us a spare hotel
room for the night and have cars drive us home in the
morning.I totally wanted to stay,but we had limos wating
fot us downstairs.So he got off,and said bye,then the
elevator door closed.But something inside me told me to
open the door,so i did.And gideon looked back at me.Then
Luke said,"Oh my god Gideon,you won't believe this girl,all
night when we were downstairs,she was like,i want gideon to
be my kiss at midnight,i want gideon to be my kiss at
midnight!" i was sooooo emberassed.I wanted to crawl under
a rock and die.oh god! but then Gideon called me over..he
was gonna kiss me!But me being such a woss,i didnt go.I
missed my chance!I hate myslef for that!"Anyways,we all
went our seperate ways,and I went home to the bronx.Then i
slept until late monday afternoon.Come tuesday,it was the
premiere of the show,and we had to be in the studio at 7am!
CRAZY!We rehearsed most of the time,and I was so
nervous,but I honestly didnt think I would win.So I was in
shock when I won that day.So I went back on Wednesday,and
thursday,and I won those days also.During that time
period,i was known in the studio,carson would be
like"wassup Jo"and brian said that he wanted me to win,it
was awesome,i loved it.But come Friday,I knew something was
gonna go wrong.Everyone was acting so different towards
me,and then I saw COurtney,I almost died.because i thought
i was gonna go against a guy,but i guess not.I knew I'd
lose,she was adorable,she had blond hair,blue eyes,ofcourse
i was gonna lose.And I did.Ray and I had been close during
that time period,so when I lost,I cried soo much.I knew Ray
felt something.He's so sweet,and I love him.But then I
lost,And i wanted to die,it was the worst feeling ever.But
MTV told me that they'd bring me back,so I tried to calm
down.I didnt even watch any of the shows.I just didnt want
to deal with it anymore. So fast foward 3 months later to
March.I got a"secret phone call" from mtv like 2 weeks b4
the best of happened.I was so antsy about it,i was
nervous,but MTV told me not to tell ANYONE.I didn't care,I
told my first ever boyfriend,Patrick came
to see me,he's from Cali,and he's 20.He's so sweet,I lo-
wellenough about him,anyways,moving on...So the bes of week
had started,I hadn't been at mtv in 3 months,so i was like
weird when I first got there.I saw natalia when I first
walked in.I was like"natalia!!!!!"I was happy to meet
her.ThenI saw T.V,we all spoke and then we went to the
midtown studio,which is where they tape HOT ZONE.We had
rehearsal and junk,then we went to the pantry,and I saw
Erica,Mike,Wole,the twins,J.R,and Dawn.As soon as I saw
Mike,my jaw dropped!I had been talking to him online for a
month,but we never met,he was so hot,i couldn't even look
at him.Anyways,then we went into hair and make-up,and we
got our makeup done.I actually have comments on all the
wannabes but i'll save that for another time.haha.So the
show started and all was good,I was ahead,then T.V,then I
won in the end(afetr i cried)I hide my head in shame...sigh.
Well when I wno that day,I had to go in the audience for
the nest 2 days.And thurday I went against Wole and Erica.I
really thought that Erica would win,and I would've been
happy if she won,her or wole,because I knew tey both
deserved it.And I didnt think I'd win,but when I did,I was
more surprised than even bet Erica $1 I'd lose.
So then come Friday,head to head wit Ray,I was nervous.I
thought either one of us could win,but I didnt want ray to
leave a loser.So I would've been ok with losing,which is
what I was happy that Ray left as a
champ.That's what he wanted,and I was happy he got
that.Well,after the show,we all went to eat at FRIDAY's.We
drank and ate,that damn bill was $204.00!! we were freaking
out,we didnt have that kind of cash.But we got the money
and afterwadrs went to kt's house(a friend of Ray's).We got
WASTEDDDDD!It was bad,wole passed out,he drank Bacardi 151 didnt drink too much,but I passed out too.We
took funny pics of Wole with a dildo in his mouth,but he
was too drunk to,thats enough for now.I'll
tell you more later diary! Joanny*