Sleeping with the lights on
2002-01-22 15:00:08 (UTC)

Please don't leave me..without saying goodbye

Hello! It's me again. I can't remember what I wrote
yesterday but I think it was about how my mom knew about the
accident that I was in. I saw my baby again last night! It
was so awesome. I took so many pictures of us and just him,
it has me pretty much set. I'm psyched! lol..about the show
on January 26th. Ekezial is going to be there and they are
one of the most awesome bands I have ever heard. I have to
write two articles about this show, and I'm really hoping
it'll help me become something other than an ammature
writer. I have to go to gym class next, and that is going to
suck pretty bad. I think that gym is a waste of time and
energy. Blah. Oh well. So what if I'm not a jock or a prep
that I don't love gym. I would rather spend my time writing
or reading but that's just me. And I am a nerd. I have
figured that
I have also decided to stop smoking marijuana. It's going to
be hard as fuck, but I have decided that it's for the best.
I hate it when my mother and I fight, and I don't want to
waste my life anymore. I am going to miss it. It's like
there is something missing already from my daily schedule,
but I can't do anything about that. I have Jeff and he makes
me happier than any drug ever could.
I don't think that I'll quit forever. I think that it's just
going to be for awhile, until I get my life back together. I
feel so strange though, like I'm missing out. Like my life
is going to be so much different. I don't know if I'm going
to be able to do it. I have to though. It's only been 4 days
since I last smoked and I'm freaking out. Especially in this
school. I can't really sit still and I'm like wigging for
real. I haven't really talked to anybody, but maybe that is
for the best. I don't want to flip on somebody just for the
mere fact that I'm a druggie and I have to go through
painful withdrawl.
Will all of my friends still be with me when this is over? I
don't understand why I'm so afraid of losing my friends.
They are everything to me, and I know that they are not
going to leave me.
It's for the best if they do. I can't lose them, though.
There is no way that I can lose my friends. I don't care if
I am a druggie.
Oh God, my thoughts are so disorganized!!! Oh well, I have
written alot today, so I think that I'm going to go, but I
really don't have anything else to do!
Oh well!