Tanya

My Diary about my life of suicide and de
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2002-01-22 07:10:23 (UTC)

~My First Entry~

Hi- I fucking hate life I really wanna die but I dont want my family to hurt anymore then they already do, Back in May I OD'd then got scared and told my mom so I got put in a hospital for 1 month I had to spend my Birthday in it but when they finally let me out I acted so bad I started swearing at my Mom and totaly disrespecting my family getting in to fights and cutting myself I wasnt doing it for attention cause I tried to hide it, I dont know it made me feel like I had control of the pain in my life. I do have alot to live for I am popular I have tons of friends and family that love me, ( not trying to sound stuck up!) But I am constantly depressed and I am sick of putting a fake smile on my face for other people! My Grandmother Died the day before thanksgiving she was my world she took care of me when my Mom was going through her stuff when she died I wanted to go w/ her but I couldnt get the guts to kill myself. I had been living w/ my cousin cuz things at home sucked, and two weeks afta she died my cousin asked me to leave... I was so heart broken so I basicly stopped giving a fuck about other peoples emotions they dont care if they hurt me so I started fighting tagging buildings not going to school and when I did I would talk to friends all thru class and talk back to teaches thats how I got popular for being the chick who didnt gve a fuck and would say anything to anybody and they girl u wld got o if u had beef w/ someone, But finally the school got sick of me and I got kicked out. So now I have court Wensday and I might get put away till I am eightteen I fucking hate cops! Okay Gotta Bounce!

*~* OnE *~* LuV *~*
~*~Tanya~*~


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