Bitch & Moan
2001-04-18 18:31:09 (UTC)

Phone Calls

Well, I just got off of the phone with YOU. I didn't hear
an "I love you." I must tell you that that is something
that seems important to me when you have to hang up. BUT,
I also think that it is really weird that just yesterday
when you had call waiting, I asked if you needed to take
that and you said "I am talking to the only person that I
want to talk to." Hmmmm. I guess I am not that person
today. Okay. I have to tell myself that this is just going
to pan out to nothing again. All those bad feelings will
come up and the promise of love and hapiness will be buried
in them. I will wait for you for as long as I can. I will
always love you in my heart. Always there will be a place
for you, but I can see that I want to be with you more than
you want to be with me. You say that you are in the middle
of trying to come up here...why don't we save all of this
until you get here. We can work on being friends then. We
can work on being lovers then. I cannot spend my days
pining away for you again. I am not met with the same
feelings from you. Perhaps you have the feelings but do
not want to show them to me? Why not??? What would it do
to you to share them with me?? Maybe I am simply a toy to
play with in between girlfriends. You are certainly not my
toy. I am willing to give up everything in the world for
you. I remember clearly that there was a woman waiting for
you at one time for over 5 years...ouch. In the begining
of our relationship, I was the one that had to guide us
along...maybe I was the only reason that we got married in
the first place. Of course it does take two and I am sure
that you wanted to get married to someone, at some time.
Maybe you are just too comfortable now in your single
life. I am not into having a succession of partners...I
would rather stay with one boring person than to go off and
find person after person...until the "right" one comes
along, knowing all along that the "right" one is my EX. I
cannot bring my husband back to me. He has to want to come
back and I do not see that happening anytime soon. I just
need to forget about it and when he comes here...IF he
comes here, we can get to the business of being together
again. The right people. Finally together at last...shit,
this is turning out like some BAD B movie. I need to take
the power you have over me away from you. I have given it
to you over and over and I cannot keep opening up my heart
to someone who does not want me. The most screwed up part
is that I can't give my heart to anyone else....I live,
breathe and think in YOUR world. As always, I will love you
forever...of course I want you to call me...of course I
want you to email me...of course I want your love, time,
attention and devotion.....So, what are you waiting for?
Pick up the phone ~ call me...whisper sweet nothings in my
ear....click into AOL and write me a loving letter...I am
here, and I will remain here until you are done with me.