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2002-01-21 21:55:03 (UTC)

I feel it again!!!!

This week has been a very good one I think, I have come to
a conclusion about my marriage --- It's over! And the good
thing is I'm ok with it. I have decided to start over once
again, now just to take the steps.. Another good thing
happened I got in touch with my first love again, and
Ironically his wife just left him too. I have a good
feeling when I talk to him, we talk about old times and how
much we have changed, and our children, I enjoy having my
friend back again, even though we were a couple back then,
we were best friends too, and god it feels good to talk to
someone who actually knows you inside out..He is the one I
always wanted, and even he said that we ruined each other
for anyone else, we were inseperable, but yet we weren't
cause we didn't make it, but we were so young I was 14 he
17, we had so much more growing to do.. And he said it
seems I find him when he needs me the most, if thats not a
good thing I don't know what is.. But yet I think I messed
up though, I sent him an email and told him that my
feelings have never changed over the years, and that I was
glad to have him, back in my life, I think I scared the
poor guy off. I haven't talked to him in 2 days, but maybe
he went to get his son, and I am just nervous about sending
the email, I guess really I shouldn't have sent it but we
have always been completely open with each other and honest
and I thought he needed to hear that someone cares about
him. But yet I don't know. I keep hearing the song Still By
Brain McKnight going through my mind, thats how I feel
abotu him, it's always been so strong but I guess he has
moved on with it and I have kinda stood still. But all the
same I feel good just being able to talk to him again from
time to time.. I think Ii will do ok I have to get a job
and get a cheaper house and be able to take care of me and
the kids but I think we will be fine.. It can only get
better, my attitude is changing -- thank goodness!!!

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