the wanderer

doo-hickey nonsense
2002-01-21 12:07:50 (UTC)

another melancholy filled Sunday

Not that all Sundays are melancholy for me, but I've
certainly had more than one in my life. A stress and panic
inducing meeting at work, followed by spending time with my
mom that allowed me to realize that she's literally losing
it, and realizations of how lonely I really am, summed up
this particular Sunday.

It's been so long since I've had that comradory, those
chemicals flying between two, that I fear once a love
interest is identified, I may jump into the pool way too
early once again. I've held up fine thus far, hopefully I
can continue to be strong and not as childishly eager as
before.

Chatting with people online reminded me of how old I'll be
next month (stating your age is very essential!). Although
two decades on this planet, that I know of, seems like a
cat-nap to most, it's 20 years that have witnessed potholes
that many fortunately will never come close to in their
entire lifetime. On top of that, it's a reminder to "grow
up" so to speak. Many onlookers in my life have judged, not
always with words, my late blooming into "adulthood" as a
fear of mine of responsibility. That has a role, but it's
not fear I have towards it, rather, hesitance, knowing the
reasons behind. I just won't allow myself to be a "monkey".


It's been way, way worse though. These are just oddball
thoughts.