Katherine

january 20, 2002

i just got back from the daytona flea market. it was
pretty cool. michelle, reese, hunter, zach, cherish, jig,
the baby, danielle, brandi, mamanda, and i all went. it
wasn't that bad. mom took me to a flea market in CA when i
was like 7. it was outdoors, and hot, and it basically
sucked. but this place was awesome! lissa gave each of the
kids $20 and we got to run around and buy stuff. i got an
insense bottle (which glows in black light), a pack of
insense, 2 reallly neat candles (which dad thinks smell
like a forest fire) and a root beer float. but the worst
part was this morning. i woke up to another fight. the
first thing that waoke me up was the phone. then i just
couldn't go back to sleep. so i'm just lying in bed cause
i'm warm and too lazy to get up and i hear all this
yelling. i guess dad was supposed to go on the boat with
matt today. well, being the pest that tyler is, dad didn't
want him to go. (because hes an annoying little brat!!)
anyways, so dad was trying to leave without him i guess and
lissa got all pissed. so they were in a fight i suppose. so
we decided to go to the flea market to mess around. lissa,
tracy, michelle, cherish, and reese all got thier palms
read. it mad me mad ecause no one under 18 can have that
done and i wanted to try it! that one guy justin who asked
me out the other night....i wanted t find out what to do
about him. i like him and i think hes cute but i told him
that i didn't want a boyfriend at that moment. at that
particular moment, i really didn't. but i just told nicole
yesterday that i need a bf and she pointed out that then i
must've lied to justin. and she's right. i wanted to ask
the psychic what i should do about that. i mean, its pretty
clear that i like him and what-not, but i don't know what
to tell him. when he asked me out the other night, i said i
didn't want a bf right now and to ask in february, march.
or april. i've always wanted a valentines day to remember,
because mine are NEVER romantic. so i was hinting for him
to ask on valentine's day. i hope he does. but thinking
about it the last few days, i think i know why i don't want
to go out with him...but do aty the same time. this is SO
vain and totally wrong, but i can't help the way i feel.
he's a "freak". i don't mena it in a bad way..because its
not. hes into poetry and he likes flams and "hot topic"
type stuff. i care about what other people think about me.
and its so wrong, i know. but thats just how i am. i don't
know how to exactly tell him that. i told brandi this when
we went out to eat today. she said go out with him! ( i
think if she actually knew him, she'd really go out with
him) but i think if he oes ask again, i'll say yes. i feel
really bad for telling him no. and now that i realize it, i
feel worse lying to him. i know how he feels...and it feels
like shit to be rejected. i'm doing to justin EXACTLY what
bryan did to me. ezxcept i don't think bryan really liked
me. but i totally felt bad because i told him to call me. i
was like "i can't go out with you" and then he
said "why?"and i said "well, you'll think i'm lying...but
i'm not....i don't want a bf right now" and i feel even
more worse now, ebcause i said "i'm not lying to you..."
and i really am!!! well, i'm now messin' around with songs
off of kazaa. i'm TRYING to create a playlist on my windows
media player...but i'm having trouble. ok, so maybe more
tomorrow.