2002-01-20 22:41:33 (UTC)


My cold is slowly but surely getting better. I've spent
part of the morning dipping in other's journals and found
that quite a few others are sick too with colds or sore
throats or sinus problems or other maladies common to
mid-winter. It helps not to be so alone. But still, I tell
you, I'm sick of being sick!

I wonder sometimes if I dream more when I'm sick or maybe I
don't sleep as deeply so I'm just more likely to remember
them. A few nights ago I had a dream where I was a circus
clown or maybe it was a school for clowns. There
was a huge room with tiers and tiers, all to way to the very
high ceiling, full of different kinds of clowns and I had to
chose which kind I was going to be. I could be one of the
sailor clowns who chewed big wads of chewing gum or a
bozo type clown with the white make-up and silly smile and
two red tufts of hair on each side or a sad clown with
painted tears. I just couldn't decide.

In another I was in a rural part of England in a tiny market
trying to find something to buy for my supper and in still
another I was lost on a freeway and everything was gray and
washed out.

It's surprising how often a voice from a dream will wake me
up. Usually it's one of the boys saying *Mom?* It's always
said softly and as a question and wakes me suddenly. I know
I've startled John more than once by sitting up in bed in
the middle of the night as a response to this dream voice.
It's a worrying kind of *Mom?* that I know is going to lead
to a revelation of something bad--an illness or an accident.
I always have trouble going back to sleep afterwards.

Last night I woke up to what sounded like a very insistent
voice crying *help, help, help* but it was just Spice going
*meow, meow, meow* trying to tell me that she wanted out of
the bedroom and outside. I got up and let her out, fixed
myself a cup of hot chocolate which I drank while I checked
my email and then went back to bed for a few more hours of
dreamless sleep.