The Nightshade Princess
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2002-01-20 16:20:10 (UTC)

Porcelina of the Vast Oceans

Last night's party went better than I had ever
imagined. It was an extremely good turnout, and people
whom no one had seen in many long months showed up to
celebrate. Celebrate they did. Humans crowded about the
bonfire, sat on father's truck in our front yard, sat on
the couch, and lounged on the deck... there were so very
many on the deck. I watched, as is my custom... always the
watcher, and I saw so many different stories being played
out before my eyes. Some stories had just begun - my ex
Derek, whom I'd not seen in 8 months at the very least,
showed up and began romancing my friend Amanda. I'm glad
that they enjoyed themselves, but after those first
moments, I saw practically nothing of either of
them. ::sighs:: There is a continuing attraction between
two other friends which I shall not name because one of
them is very much "spoken for."
Al showed up late, and Morbius got lost so many times
it was actually funny. I missed him. He can't even hold
my gaze anymore, which is truly sad. Last year, we could
look into each other's eyes and find ourselves in a
different time and place, we knew what the other thought
and felt. It matters not now, so much has changed in both
our lives, and I don't feel an attraction toward any male
aside from my beloved LesTaT. Karla and Steve also showed
up - that actually surprised me. They seemed a bit on the
bored side, but then most people I know don't have any idea
how to party. The only one I was really worried for having
a dull time was my pet freshman. If I didn't have ahold of
his sleeve, he ran into the shadows and hid from everyone.
I kept finding him and taking him with me, only to turn
around and find him gone, and alone again in some quiet
section of the house or yard (if there WAS a quiet
section). Twinkie earned his respect also. I did not find
that until he left. Apparently my dearest brother Twinkie
helped my rather ill real brother in shifts with father. I
noticed he kept disappearing, but I thought it was just
me. Anyway, father is pleased. He does not care that I
got little sleep. He does not care that I am coughing just
a little now, he does not care about anything concerning
me, as usual. This bruises me, but I cannot repair it.
The only bitter moments were when LesTaT left, and when I
realized how much I really missed Shadow.
My beloved came late. I was sooooo very worried he
could not, and then he didn't call me to tell me one way or
the other, so I was a bit upset. He seems so sad so
often. When I speak with his mother in the short moments
when waiting for my Prince to get the phone, she seems not
happy with him, and straining to keep up the facade of good
humor. It is a fairly thin veil, however, and it worries
me. I know from several sources and clues that they are in
a strained relationship, and all I want to do is sit down
with them both and get both sides of the story. I desire
to know what makes her unhappy with him, for he apparently
has no idea. He is oblivous to what upsets her, and that
is truly disturbing. Where is the fun in living with
someone if you cannot push their "buttons" and piss them
off? ::laughs and shakes her head:: I was, of course,
being merely humorous.
I believe, perhaps, they are both inflamed toward each
other by their very nature. They do not have compatable
personalities, and all the little things they do that
annoys the other only makes the fire grow. One or both of
them may blow up over something that is very small indeed
in the scheme of things. Everything seems to be "the last
straw" so to speak. If that frustratin toward each other
did not exist in the first place, then such things would
pass relatively smoothly. From what I know/see/have
heard/theorize, there are days that one of them decides to
try and make peace, but the other is so sick of (what they
perceive) as bullshit, the peacemaker only gets the
proverbial door slammed in his or her face. Not a pretty
sight. I have probably rambled on this subject enough.
Forgive me everyone, but I am running under an extreme lack
of sleep. I was deathly ill the day before my birthday. I
tried to get out of bed for school, but was so dizzy I
nearly fell on many occasions. When this subsided a little
(very little), I attemted to get breakfast, only to find
that my stomach was accepting no such thing. My back,
neck, and head felt almost bruised they were in such pain,
and I sneezed at least once every 10-30 seconds without
exaggeration. I had chills as well, and over-all weakness
and discomfort. I spent that entire day in bed, reading
and sleeping, until I woke yesterday cured. I heal
extraordinarily fast, and the rest naturally helped
immensely. Everyone was relieved, since I had a party to
throw. Well I got up at 8am the day of the party, because
I had horrible back and neck pain again. (I think it is my
pillow causing this - I keep waking up that way). I could
not go back to sleep, so I helped prepare everything. I
had to clean the floors and wipe down everything with
cleaner - father seemed really adamant that it was very
clean. My brother and his friend helped me do the floors,
since someone broke the mop and no one bothered to get a
new one. We had to get down on our knees and scrub -
father desires a clean floor, after all. He cleaned the
entire house for my brother whenever HE had a party, and
even my brother noticed and said it was bullshit. He was
right. I took my bath and cleaned everything up. As I
mentioned, I had swept the floor. I was all dressed up
with my new velvet and satin cloak around my shoulders, my
best dress on, as well as all my makeup. He looked in the
bathroom and told me that I had better get in there and
clean it or else I would have to call everyone and tell
them there would BE no party. I despise him when he
threatens instead of speaking a simple point. Well you can
imagine what I had to do. And I got no credit for cleaning
any of the house - father gave that to the boys who did a
chunk of the living room floor. I could have killed him.
I went to bed after the party somewhere around 4:30, as I
had found a ripped seam in my brand new cloak, and I needed
to repair it. I was awakened at 10am by what could best be
described as shrieks and laughter and all manner of
loundess. No one gave a damn that someone was trying to
sleep. I could have shot myself to get some sleep. I
still haven't gotten any. I am extremely raw in spirit
now. I cannot exist on 6 hours of sleep, or I get suicidal
and cry, as I begin to do now for reasons I am unaware of.
My brother was only supposed to be allowed one person to
spend the night. He ended up with like 4 or 5, plus
Heather. Father's logic: Midnight isn't having many
people spend the night... you may have a few more sean. As
it was, my brother's friends made up at least a quarter of
the rather large party. He told father that he was
bringing 4 - father had been a bit mad when I mentioned
Sean said was bringing 8. He brought more like 10, and
father didn't care. Anyway, all these people were in the
living room, and they were extremely inconsiderate. I
asked them nicely to please lower their voices, and they
acknowleged, but the sound stayed at a piercing volume.
Getting anything less than 8 hours of sleep makes me
desperately suicidal. I can't help myself. I'm feeling
these effects now, as I got only 6 hours. I feel awful and
my physical illness is creeping up on my again. I'm
beginning to cough, because I haven't had enough time to
heal completely. So help me if I don't get any sleep
tomorrow. I will shoot myself and get it over with. Sorry
to whomever may be reading this but I am NOT in a good mood
To summarize - It was a wonderous party whilst it
lasted. There were so very many people and such
merriment. I had a bit too much of something, but that's
another tale. Twinkie is now respected, and almost
everyone was really happy. Before the party, I was too
excited by the prospect of so many of my friends with me at
once. After the party, I am bruised and sore and weeping,
partially due to father's inconsiderate nature, partially
due to my brother and his friends' inconsiderate nature. I
miss Shadow, and worry for my Prince. I am extremely
tired, and the fall that such exhuberance always brings is
particularly crushing. I must try once more to sleep it
off, for the noisy ones have gone for a walk.

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