Sleeping with the lights on
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2002-01-20 15:16:26 (UTC)


It wasn't that cold last night, though the snow was falling
all around. It looked so beautiful falling from the sky. I
opened my mouth, and caught a few flakes in my mouth.

I didn't expect to drop the bottle, but I did..and I do
regret it.

We started driving. We should not have been driving. I
should have stayed in Mather, where I was safe. We were
having fun, despite my lack of happiness. I had been in a
bad mood all day and was tired, I wanted to go home. But, we
were having fun.
We went to Waynesburg, and Carmichaels. This is
where we proceeded in drinking. Alot. I wasn't very drunk,
but my friend was, and I laughed along with her as we sipped
on MD 20/20. It was good.

The most interesting thing about last night was this: we had
just started back into Mather, although we were all really
drunk, we had made it back to Mather. I felt safe. I thought
I was safe.

They kissed. He was driving. All I can remember is saying,
"You're Driving!!" and we slowly drifted off the road. I
remember it so clearly but it's all a blur in my mind. It
didn't end there. As we plowed over a speed limit sign, I
thought it was over. We were safe. It had not ended though.
Ahead of us was a tree..and all at once we crashed into it.

I can remember saying, Let me out of the car..let me out of
the car..and they told us to run, before anybody saw what
had happened.

It hit me all of the sudden, though it took my best friend
awhile to realize what had just occured. I started wigging
out..and I couldn't stop crying, she just pushed me on,
until we were safe. Safe in the arms of my older brother I
cried. I told him what had happened. He tried to tell me
everything was going to be alright. I didn't know what to
think. I felt so stupid, so so stupid..

They were okay. They had managed to get his car from the
tree and they drove up to the corner. We walked up there,
and I hugged both of them, tears streaming down my face. All
they said was I'm sorry, just go'll be alright. I
felt strange though, they were going to take the blame for
whatever had just happened.

I can't tell you how scared I was last night. I came home in
relief, but now I sit here and think about everything over
and over. I don't know what I would have done if one of us
would have died, or been seriously hurt. Thank God we were
wearing seat belts and we were not going too fast. I hurt neck and shoulders hurt, and my brain hurts from
thinking so much.

I took care of Anna last night, it really hadn't hit her
until we got back to my house. I am so thankful that she was
with me. That's she's even still with me. I'm so happy that
I'm even still here..

You don't really think about how much your life and friends
as such an important part of your life, until you come so
close to death.

I am sorry, everybody..for being such a fuck up..but at
least..I'm still alive..and I can definetly learn from my

God Bless, and much love to everyone.