dorkydyke

The Basement
2002-01-20 07:50:45 (UTC)

Shattered

Hey....
nuthin much happened.....fuqed up friday... yep yep...
Dat one gurl i told u about? well, she's been sorta
stalking meeh... went to the bathroom...poof there she
is... walking to mah locker...uhhh...poof..she's hanging
onto me... changing for P.E...errr...unfortunately poof,
there she is trying to get a look...god...she wont leave me
alone... I nearly screamed bloody murder as she snuck up
behind me during math break and whispered in mah ear... wat
she said u say? welll...its too graphic fo all da lil
kiddies out dere. Den she managed ta know mah phone number
and as i answered, all i heard was a bunch of heavy
breathing shit...GrRrRrRrRr... I really need ta tell her to
fuq off..which she probably gladly do but yea...

I know me and J are falling way apart.. everything is
practically shattered.I'm not that stupidly drugged up to
not kno theres no such thing as happiness in my fuqed up
world.WHY DA HELL DO PEOPLE THINK I DRINK AND USE DRUGS IN
HOPES OF DYING?!?If i'm hella lucky, I wont live until I
see mah 18th birthday. its fuqen gods fault or watever
dumbshit dat created me. I'm just lyke and use wound up toy
boat. He winds me up and drops me in a pile of shit to see
if i sink or float. Ever since i knew how to think I knew.
I'm not destined to be happy.I knew I'm not meant to be
among ppl. And i knew i was really lucky to even experience
a first love.... Drugs and alcahol r the only answers now.
I bet no one will even miss me. Which makes me living and
taking up space in this planet a fuqin mistake. Who cares?
I sure dun. I was a fuqin 20 seconds away from dying at age
10...why da fuq did da doctors hafta save me? I hope he
burns in hell too. It was da perfect way to die. Blame it
on the disease in mah eye as it flows through mah blood to
mah head and kill all mah brain cells.No one will kno. Kno
will kno dat I've drank poison befo dat...or dat I
purposely stood out in the polluted rain staring up to the
sky dat nyte. If i die, i wanted god to see me die. So he
wouldn't have made da mistake of saving me and making me
into the completely fuqed up person i am.

I didn't wake up till around 3 noonish... i've been
depressed fo some reason dis whole week. Last nyte i drank
so much dat i litterally passed out on mah bed and i think
puked out food from last week. I still have a headache
now... I asked gwen to bring back lots of drugs from
tonytes rave for meeh and maybe if i'm lucky...die from
overdosing. If dat wont work, y not mix some E wit a few
bottles of alcahol? If i dun log on sometyme dis month or
next month, i'm dead. God fuqed wit mah life and laughed fo
da last tyme.He and the world can kiss mah dead and rotting
ass.I hope mah friend brought back that new deadly drug...
FUQ U GOD!! SEE U IN HELL U SONABITCH!!!!

~S




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