SunnyShay

This is me and how my life goes.
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2001-04-17 23:22:29 (UTC)

My first break up

Dear Journal,
My first ever break-up happened right after my birthday.
Even though it's been a while I figured i'd talk about it
anyway. So me and Josh had been dating for a month and a
couple of weeks, give or take a couple of days. Anyway I
finally asked him what he wanted from our relationship, I
was getting really fustrated because I never got to see
him. And we wouldn't really talk, we kind of just e-mailed
each other. To be honest I think I saw him more being his
friend then I saw him being his girlfriend. Even though, I
still loved him. Anyway the weekend after my birthday I
went out with a friend. I'm not sure what made me check my
e-mail that night but I did. There was only one and it was
from Josh. I knew it was bad because the title
said, "You're going to hate me for this." He broke up with
me over an e-mail. I was totally hurt, and to this day
thinking about it makes me get all teary eyed. It wasn't so
much that he broke up with me, it was more that he didn't
even have enough respect for me to at least call me. I mean
it made me feel like I was nothing. Like "Oh Shayla you
aren't worth talking to so i'll just send you an e-mail."
My feeling were really hurt. And not two weeks before that,
he told me he loved me. That was the most wonderful feeling
in the world, then he broke up with me. Get this at the end
of the e-mail he told me how he still loved me and he hoped
we could be friends. I kept asking myself was he serious.
How could he even think I would want anything to do with
him after something like that? It took me a couple of weeks
of bashing him on a daily basis with my bestfriend and
wrting terrible things about him in my journal for me to
realized that I had so much animosity toward him because I
loved him and he hurt me. He did apologize about sending me
what he called, "The dear Jane letter" and I realized he
made a mistake. I can't blame him or hate him for not
having the same feelings for me anymore. I had to finally
say to myself and except the fact that just because someone
doesn't love me the way I love them, doesn't mean they
don't love me with all that they have. I still love Josh, I
had to admit that to myself the other day. I'm ok with
that, but I am moving on. I can't wait for him to come
around, There are so many good memories i have with him.
And he was my first true love so i'm sure it's going to be
hard. I can't believe I just started dating. Anyway that's
enough of My first break-up.

Me


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