babygirl

the soap opera....as my life turns:)
2002-01-20 06:16:14 (UTC)

i'm frustrated...

i'm so fucking irriatated at this very moment. It is
12:53am. I'm up can't sleep...and pissed off. why..you
ask..because i feel so fucking dumb.

Is there something wrong with being a hairdresser? i would
really like to know. someone please tell me.

I have been asked serveral time is that all you want to do?
Maybe i'm taking it the wrong way..but come on...can you
phase it a better way.

BUt the answer to that question is no...that is not all i
want to do with my life. i want to do lots of things. but
for right now...this is what i want and have to do. so suck
my dick.

if i could be anything in the world...probably
actress...maybe sound stupid to you but i would like to be
that...i wish i could sing worth something but i can so i
wont' be a singer.

i really don't know what my absolute favorite thing to do
or be is...i havent' experienced that much in my life
expect for changing diapers. I know it is my own fault that
i did this with my life..I do i realize it every fucking
day. that i'm not an outgoing type of person...i have to
gradually do things. I don't feel comfortable in new
situations. I don't have very many things to talk about
besides my kids, divorce and sex. Yes lets just be totally
honest right now.

I had sex for the first time when i was 14. And i know why
i did...thought my boyfriend would get bored with me..so i
thought i can always try this. It is sad to know this. It
hurts inside that i did nothing in high school cause i was
to scared. I was scared i would mess up...someone would
laugh. well no one is laughing now are they. and all i'm
doing is crying.

I'm so disappointed in myself...for what i am...feel like
nothing. no one else has to be disappointed in me cause i
have enough for everyone. I know i'm not an awful
person...but i'm not a great one either.

how do i show my kids how to be great when i'm not.

I just wish i felt like i was good at something at this
very moment. Cause what am i going to put on my reseme...i
give a good blow job.

think i'll leave it at that.

Please don't feel sorry for me...if anything...give advice.

babygirl