Str8 Girl, Interrupted

"It's My Life...."

Have you ever had something going so good in your life that
the bad things in your life come and just sweep it away in
a heartbeat?? Well, that has just happened to me in the
last few days. I had such a good thing with Curtis and I
couldn't have been more content, then on Thursday
night...everything came crashing down around me.

I was driving in Oregon. I had one headlight. I got
pulled over. They discovered that I had a warrant in BG
for an unpaid traffic violation. They also discovered that
my drivers license is suspended, which is a crock of shit.
My license is NOT suspended for any reason and I have proof
in writing of this fact. I got taken down to Oregon Police
Station in the little cop car with handcuffs on. My dad
had to come and bail me out with 210 dollars. My car was
towed. So, now you're probably wondering how in the world
this would cause so much turmoil in my relationship with
Curtis. Well, I was the means by which we saw each
other...if those means are taken away...then we won't be
able to see each other, needless to say. It's killing us!
I don't want him to sit around and just wait for me to get
my shit together, but if he was worth anything, then he
would. Everything is up in the air as of now. I'm so
unhappy about this whole situation. Not having
transportation alone is enough to drive me mad, but not
being able to see Curtis is unbearable. I was so amazingly
happy, I can't believe I would actually think that it would
last for long. I always do this....build my expectations
of myself WAY too high...only to break them down MYSELF. I
should know better by now...I don't deserve anything good
and someone will see to it that I don't have it for long.

So, I just should get a freakin gun and shoot myself. I
have nothing left. NOTHING....not that I had anything in
the beginning...only hope, which has ultimately run out.