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2002-01-20 04:57:14 (UTC)

from the past...

I miss richie. I know that’s weird but I do. I had a dream
about him last night…I wish I knew if I was going to see
him when I visit home this summer, if I end up going. I
wouldn’t have sex with him if I was still with josh, but I
might kiss him…he was just so beautiful physically…my
golden boy, I’ve never been as sexually infatuated with
anyone as I was with him. I know I’m in love with josh, and
for gods sake, I never even knew why I felt this way about
richie. We were never close emotionally, we never hung out
very much. But since the day I first saw him, my feelings
were so strong and yearning for him. I wish, that just one
more time, I could touch him all over over, kiss his neck,
run my hands through his hair, whisper things in his ear. I
feel like I’m betraying my boyfriend by even thinking that,
but my feelings for josh are not diminished by this- he is
honestly my first real love, the only serious relationship
I’ve ever had. I would never give up josh to have a
relationship with richie, even if I had the chance, which I
wouldn’t. If I did though I wouldn’t even need to think
about it- my boy treats me like gold, he’s talented,
responsible, we get along wonderfully and never get tired
of each other. And he’s pretty damn handsome as well. I’ll
probably always have that school girl crush on richie in
the back of my mind, but it doesn’t really bother me. I
forget about him for long periods of time, months, but then
I’ll see him in a dream again and he’ll be back in my
thoughts. Who knows how the mind works…not I, said the fox…

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