r_sm

My e-diary, Volume infinity and beyond
2001-04-17 21:25:29 (UTC)

OK, Here we go

Journal 19, entry 1, Tuesday April 17, 2001.

Dear Journal,

Well, here I am again. I'm back. It's nice to get
reacquainted. Just in case you forgot, I started writing
you in 1982, when I was merely a pimply, insecure teenager,
a junior in high school. Four (!) degrees later, I am all
the way across the country, working as a professional in a
career I never dreamed of!

When I started writing you, there were computers (remember
how we used to play what we thought were "cool" games on
the TRS-80?), but there definitely was no internet. So we
got to know each other the old-fashioned way, through
spiral notebooks.

In the beginning, I used to write every day. You followed
me through all my trials and tribulations, graduating from
high school, going to college so far away from home, losing
my virginity, gaining my confidence. We wrote a good 17
spiral notebooks together, you and I.

You started to fade away just about the time I got into the
bad relationship that led to my marriage, at a too-young
age. What did I know? I was in love. So journal #18
spanned a good many years. I never really wrote my true
feelings anymore either. I hid them. I didn't want you to
know how scared and upset I was becoming. Eventually, I
stopped writing.

Now that marriage is over. It had actually started to get
better, and I was even considering writing again. Then she
died of cancer. I started to see a therapist, who helped
me regain the inner reflection I had so many years ago,
when I kept you regularly. Now, years later, I am truly
happy again, truly myself again. The therapy sessions have
ended, so now I turn to you to help me sort out my thoughts
and feelings about life.

Oh, and I'm getting married again, and this time the
relationship looks very healthy. I pledge to keep writing,
hopefully at least once a week, even after marriage (but
not on the honeymoon, of course).

The only dilemma is whether or not to make this public.
Right now, I see no disadvantage. I may change my mind,
depending on the feedback (if any) that I receive.

So, for now, I'm happy. A hobby has been renewed.