Amy

Pure Belligerence
2002-01-20 03:42:22 (UTC)

*Je t'aime aussi, Zack*

(if you dont speak french, my title means i love you too,
zack, but i'l get to that in a little bit). i dunno, as i
have told zack, i have trust issues. He really is upset
that i dont totally trust him, but its not him its me.
Last night i called him up because, again, he was upset hes
always been the one to call me. So we chatted for a few
minutes, he was a at diner or something with his friends
(who included girls.... hmm....) and he put me on the phone
with his friend joe and blah blah, he asked who i was,
where im from, if me and zack were going out. Then hes
like.... why dont you go out with me? And i said riiiight,
and he said.... i dont even know ya and youre already
doggin me.... but he was kidding, i just thought it was
funny because he said it so homeyish. I always think thats
funny, im not that hard to amuse... so i told zack to call
me back when he got home. He did, and asked if he had
woken me up (he did,it was like 1:30) but i said no because
i didnt want him to feel bad, but he knew i was lying.
And he told me (hes always really honest with me) that one
of the girls he had been out with had wanted to go out with
him, but he said no, he was waiting for me, because he
loved me.... and joe told him just not to tell me, and he
said no, thats fucked up.... and it just really made me
more confident that he wont cheat on me or anything. He
kept saying... i love amy, but she doesnt love me, and i
told him thats not true (i havent said i love him yet, i
cant, its hard, i havent said those words for about 3 years
now, as i said before, i have issues) and he always teases
me about going out with derrick, hes never seen derrick,
but i told him once that i chilled with him and i just
think zacks paranoid about me not wanting him or cheating
on him or something. He asked me if i wanted to chill with
him and joe tonight after he worked, and i told him
probably.... and they were gonna pick me up. He was all
worried i was gonna flirt with joe (i wouldnt) Its 10:43
right now and zack gets out of work at 11:00 and hes gonna
call me.... but i cant go with him tonight because its been
snowing all day and the roads are bad :-( so i'll just have
to wait. I also had my emt state test today.... i had to
drive 2 hours accross the state to get to the damn
thing.... i did soooo badly. Ugh...... at least i have 2
more chances to do the stations i failed over.