A Closed Mind is An Open Book
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2002-01-20 01:07:08 (UTC)

damn it

grr... I'm such a loser sometimes!! I love Robbie more than
I think it's possible for him to know and I keep screwing
things up!!! I know he loves me. And I know he hates to see
me hurting. So what do I do??? I turn around and hurt
myself. Yep... once again I don't fail to resort to
stupidity. I mean... its just pink little welts that looks
like my cat tried to scratch up my arm but couldnt get her
claws in my skin. They're even starting to go away now and
the most that might be there later is maybe a tiny little
scab that no one will even notice but me because I know
where to look. I feel so stupid. I wish for once I could
think before I do stuff. I mean... I wish I hadn't told
him. I wish I had the fucking intelligence not to do it in
the first place. But no. I have to be a stupid selfish
moron that goes and hurts the feelings of the one person I
love more than my own life... which isn't a good way of
putting it because I don't love my life very much. I
mean... if I did love my life then I would still love him
more than my own life. Grr I'm giving myself a stomach-ache
so I'll stop writing about my stupidity. Robbie if you read
this I really do love you and I'm very very very sorry for
being so stupid. I didn't mean to hurt you.