2002-01-20 00:36:41 (UTC)

It's only a sunshower, we been through worse weather

Then we would cook cornmeal porridge,
Of which I'll share with you;
My feet is my only carriage,
So I've got to push on through.
But while I'm gone, I mean:
Everything's gonna be all right!
Everything's gonna be all right!
Everything's gonna be all right!
Everything's gonna be all right!
I said, everything's gonna be all right-a!
Everything's gonna be all right!
Everything's gonna be all right, now!
Everything's gonna be all right!

So, woman, no cry;
No - no, woman - woman, no cry.
Woman, little sister, don't shed no tears;
No, woman, no cry.

my song for today. my song for everyday from now on.
my song for the world and everyone in it.

i had a great day today. my first onsale. i got a raise. im
getting a new pet in a few hours. good talk with jen. saw
shaun. going to have lots of fun tonight. just goodness.
today was a day that i made good for myself. and i havent
felt like this in a long time. too long. and that is
entirely my fault and doing. as well as something that i am
fixing. fully.

emily and i had a talk last night. and after having all day
to think through all she said. im really feeling a lot
better about the situation at hand concerning us, and her
and i as seperate people. in a way i think i let myself
become too dependant on her. for my emotional needs. and
granted she is my girlfriend...things like this can be
taken to extremes. and anyone that knows me will say
extremes are what im good at. and its true.
change is something i am not good at though. at all. i dont
like it and i dont deal well with it in any circumstance.
whether it means me taking a different route to work,
someone dying, or things changing in my relationship. and,
honestly, i need to focus on changing that part of me. not
for anyone in my life, but for my own mental health. and
right now in my life, for once in my life probably, im
going to put myself first. and focus on what i need and how
to go about getting everything okay with that. and today, i
kicked ass with that. total ass. =)

things need to tone down with her and i. and that doesnt
mean that i love her any less. it just means that right now
in my life and in her life. things need to be different.
and...different is okay. and different is something that i
can work with and on. and i am.
im not going to go around fucking other people. like most
of my friends would assume i would do right about now. im
not. because, im not that type of person anymore. and as
long as i know that she loves me and that i love her. im

and. i am good.

i need time away from her to figure things out with myself.
remind myself of who i am without her. and im sure that she
needs the same.
which is why im glad that we decided to do just that. im
not saying i dont miss her. because i do. but, im
learning...slowly. how to cope with that in other ways than
just assuming that she doesnt care about me. which is what
i normally do. and thats dumb. and im not stupid. and in
other ways rather than just finding someone to hook up with
to make me feel better. because thats stupid as well.

im not fucking 16 anymore. and im over that part of me. and
i dont give any fucking kind of fuck about what anyone
believes about me. because, yeah. maybe i do change
sometimes. and maybe, i was wrong before. maybe i was wrong
all the times before and maybe i just realized that. and
although i know none of you have faith in me. i can deal
with that. because up until now. i wouldnt either.

and i know no matter what that everything is going to be
okay. because it always is. no matter what happens in your
life, things eventually get better. as long as you go with
it and dont dwell and let things fester inside you. the
sunshines for everyone and regardless of what happens in
life, it always will rise and shine again.

~i dont work until thursday and thats fucking great. i have
a three day weekend. and thats fucking great.~

"But we share somethin so rare, but who cares, you care"

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