Teser D'zebra

Teser's Jurnal of stuff
2002-01-20 00:09:37 (UTC)

Moody blues and homebound shoes

Today is another day of misory and mental anguish. I cant
seem to get thrash out of my head. I look around and see
things that constantly remeind me of our good and bad
times. It wouldnt be so bad but these memories just
enforce the fact that there wont be any more memories like
them again. The appartment im in seems so empty and cold
now, i cant seem to sit here for long periods of times and
want to run away from it as much as i can, but im limited
on when and where i can run to. On the pluss side i have
actualy been geting some sleep and dreaming again, dreams
seem to be tainted with bad feelings but are starting to
clear up and end up in twisted almost nightmare like
qualities ( i actualy dont mind nightmares, they are fun).
work is hard with my emotional condition, i have to fight
breaking down several times a night.
Ive been having some disturbing thought and fantasies...
they actualy worry me becouse they seem very do-able and
plausable. All of them let out my emotions on very high
levels and include some very disturbing and moraly corupt
ideas, and most end in my death. I am starting to
question myself and my own sanity and if i ever had much
to begin with.
i finaly got my trip to my folks place planned out, i am
going to spend a week away from here and
hopefully "myself" and try to pull things together more.
Seeing a few freinds is gona be nice.
I do have a spot of happyness in my life... i finaly got
my router and windows xp installed and workign correctly
so im finaly online with no problems for a change.




Ad: