Blue Castle reverie

My Saga
2002-01-19 22:10:36 (UTC)

Clean

I took a shower this morning. I skipped it last night
because I was tired when I got in, and this morning I felt
disgusting, my whole body felt dirty and grimy and impure.
I meant to wait and get a shower later, but I couldn't
focus on anything else. I must have spent at least half an
hour in the shower this morning, part of the time just
standing under the hot water, thinking how wonderful it
felt on my skin, and how wonderful it felt to be washing
away that horrible, dirty feeling. I spent more time
lathering shampoo in my hair than I ever have before. And
when I was through, I dried off, and wrapped my towel
around me, and went to my room to get dressed. But instead
I lay down on the floor with "The Fountainhead", my towel
loosely draped around me, and I read until mom yelled and
made me do something else. And even though it was a chilly
day, I didn't feel anything but this remarkable lightness
and sense of clean, and even of freedom that I haven't felt
in a long time, laying on the floor of my bedroom, functionally
naked, dripping wet hair, and the most amazing book. And I felt
beautiful.