Christine

Visions Of Life
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2002-01-19 21:04:26 (UTC)

Almost At The Bottom... Without A Rope..

Hopefully I can still type... so lightheaded... not sure
why... was supposed to go out tonight or this afternoon but
I guess Im not.. Thats fine with me.. more time to think
without my thoughts being overcome by false happiness.. Not
that he doesnt make me happy.. he does but i need to think
and i dont need my pounding heart deafening my mind...

Fuck.. im becoming like my father..withdrawn and
emotionless.. I have emotions and feelings but I guess the
only ones people see are anger and sadness..

I am unable to sing... That never happens.. All my
happiness has vanished.. only this shell of my former self
remains..

But i guess im fine.. no need to worry.. no need to call
the cops on me.. but.. in the case one of my "friends" does
decide to call the cops, i will kill myself before they can
break down the door because I am never going through that
ordeal again. Id rather die. Leave me alone and Ill be
fine.. all of this mingling with the outside world seems to
make me worse.. just let me stay in my apartment in my bed
and ill be quite okay.

Cant cry anymore.. the pain has passed.. let me sleep...


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