a freak with a heart
2002-01-19 19:45:30 (UTC)

A Hell of a night

Dear Diary,

hey, do i have a story to tell you... ok well it's
really long and i don't feel like typing it again so im
just gonna copy and paste a letter to my boyfriend that i
wrote last night....i think you can pretty much get the
understanding from the letter, lol and don't forfet it's to
my boyfriend so if i say i love you in the letter part jsut
deal with it lol, ok.......here it is....

(the letter)

yeah i did fall asleep but why don't i start from the
beginning and i'll tell you everything that happened in the
2 hours i was away from the computer.....ok i guess it was
around 7 when i got off right? well anyway after i got off
i sat a watched TV for like 10mins. and the whole time i
had the other 3 pain in the asses running around driving me
insane, screaming and yelling at each other.......so i go
up to take a shower or what ever and come to find that my
room has been trashed! they had there stuff all over my
bed, my floor, all my stuff was on the ground, my clothes
were everywhere! and guess what happened next.......i
completely flipped.......i couldn't even control myself i
completely went off, i was yelling and screaming and
throwing things in every direction. i mean my room wasn't
even really ever my own room, but at least i felt some what
safe in it and i could be by myself in there to just get
away form my family and my life and school and really not
care about anything........and they took that away from me,
the one last place that i felt safe in this whole world and
they took it away from me. so after i flipped out and all i
locked myself in the bathroom and turned on the radio as
loud as it could go and turned on the shower, oh yeah this
is about the time where i breakdown......i think i was in
the shower for about an hour cause i used up all the hot
water, so when it started getting cold i turned it off,
turned the radio up even higher and sat on the floor and
cried my eyes out. i......i couldn't stop, i just had a
breakdown. So then i come out form the bathroom and at this
time i am not speaking to anyone, not saying a word. and i
am getting yelled at by my dad for flipping out before. ok
so by now it's like 8:30 so i get dressed, put my coat on,
and leave! i walked out!!! i don't even really remember
where i walked to or what i did when i was gone, but when i
came back it was i think like 9:10 and i went back up
stairs to change and i started crying again just because i
was back in that room i don't even want to call it my room
any more cause it's not. so then i just crawled into my
bed and fell asleep. i actually just got up and it's 4:20
so i got up at like 4. oh yeah and i was talking with my
mom and i told her how my room WAS the only place i felt ok
and relaxed and safe from everything, and how i can't take
how they always trash it and never leave me alone and
about how i broke down and went off and everyone. so now
she is thinking about putting of the new room out the back
and building off the second floor and adding on a room for
me. she just has to talk to my dad about it. if i get my
own room it will so solve so many of my problems, and she
knows that, so hopefully in a few months or so i'll have my
own room! but thats why i wasn't on at 9 or at 10 or 11 lol
cause i was in my bed sleeping cause i had no more strength
to move, and my eyes hurt from crying. so now i'm really
gonna be all screwed up on my hours here it's 4:30 now and
i probably wont be going to sleep for another 2 hours or so
which will be like 6 or 7 then I'll be back in bed for a
few hours loll ahhhhh i don't know how i am going to be
able to talk to you and finish my finals and study for my
other finals if i don't even get up till like way after 12,
i don't know i don't know and i am not even going to try to
figure it out right now. i don't know what im gonna do,
maybe i'll eat something since i have not eaten since lunch
at 12 lol i think i might have something to eat !!! im just
a little hungry thats all !!! lol. ok so i don't know when
i'll talk to you, and don't let me keep you from doing
anything this weekend so seriously i don't even have a clue
when i'll be on so if you have plans to go out with your
friends or what ever go, don't not go cause you didn't get
to talk to me. i don't want you staying home all day and
all night waiting for me if i might not even be on. ok! ok
im gonna go, i love you, sorry about not being on, bye bye

ok ok that last part really has nothing to do with
anything, lol i told you it was to my byfriend im just to
lazy to rewrite it again. i already wrote it once and it
took my an hour, so i wasn't going to do it again, but you
get the idea right........ok i guess thats all for now,