jonesenstein

Jonesenstein
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2002-01-18 20:04:13 (UTC)

12-15-01

Saturday, December 15, 2001
You must also be fucked in friendship (I am
continuing the ‘fucked in…” segment I began running a few
weeks ago). You must be totally 100% royally fucked in
friendship before you can truly appreciate it, and
appreciate you friends for what they are.
For instance, my best friend used to be Jason
Heystek. We were inseparable (a lot like Harris and I were
for a few years starting around 12th grade). We did
absolutely everything together; we’d play with Legos and go
to the movies and shit like that. Between the ages of 8
and 16, he was my best friend. As a matter of fact, in a
lot of ways he was my only friend. Then, Harris snapped on
Frigy and Frigy left our little group. Heystek decided to
go with him. It didn’t really bother me at first, but then
he started getting into drinking and drugs and shit like
that and that just wasn’t what I wanted at the time.
As a matter of fact, at the time this all went on,
everyone in the Couch Party was vehemently against drugs of
any kind, so Heystek was effectively expelled. I still
tried being friends with him, it just didn’t work.
Everytime I wanted to do anything, he always had some sort
of party to go to; he always had something to do that just
didn’t seem like something he would do. I know that he was
just experimenting, but he acted like someone I didn’t know.
How is this getting fucked over? Because, not in
so many words, we both decided to draw a line, on one side
was our friendship, on the other side was his drinking. He
chose the other side, and hence we haven’t spoken much
since. It was part of growing up, and looking back on it,
I think we can both say that. I always think what if; I
always think what might have happened if I had gone with
him to parties, I always wondered what would have become of
him if he had stayed with me. And that is where the fuck
comes in. It is in the thinking that you realize certain
things.
You realize that no matter what happens people
change. You realize that there are always things you could
have done, but nothing you can do now will change that.
You realize that someone chose something inanimate over
you, and maybe nothing you would have done could’ve changed
that. You realize that it’s just not worth thinking
about. You realize that this could happen to anyone at any
time, so you better make the most of the time you have with
the few friends you have.
Speaking of which, I have yet to be fucked over
effectively enough to know how to make friends so don’t ask
me.


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