luvbug

little mind farts...
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2002-01-18 19:16:11 (UTC)

nothingness...

all of the sudden i feel totally little. i feel like a
little kid again. i of course am trying to hide this sudden
influx of emotions solely because i don't want people to
see it as a weakness and take advantage. how bad can this
day get? i swear i don't know what is wrong with me! i feel
really really weird. i really hope that this is strictly
pms. i hope so!
the boys next to me are looking at chicks laying all out
with their asses hanging out! lol how hilarous! it's funny
because us girls do that also we just seems to have alittle
more class in doing it. ha ha :0)
i haven't talked to my vitor in like a week almost and
it is kililng me!!! lol i miss him so much!
i am being slightly bogus to this guy who likes me. he
goes to school with me, and i know that he likes me. one
minute i think i like him, the other minute i don't really
wanna be bothered. i know that i am going to have to tell
him that i don't really like him. i figure it like this, if
you really like someone you shouldn't have like on again,
off again moments where you want to be with them.
you know i still have that fear that i am becoming one
of those of those girls who only likes to talk about guys.
i am scared because this is the only topic that a few of my
friends in my current group talk about. i feel bad because
even though i am interested in their stories from a few of
these girls i just don't wanna hear it!!! i am very capable
of having a conversation without boys coming up but i can't
secape them sometimes. this can scare me because i notice
that i doing this! i hate that, i don't wanna be one of
those girls who wrapped up in boys and drama. i guess that
maybe i should brush up on my conversational skills. then
again i probably worrying too much!
you know i don't think that i can ever really be sexy!
lol i mean you might see me and think that i might be sexy
but for the most part i don't think that i could be one of
those girls on the cover of cosmo who look so sultry. i am
too goofy. i have tried to be sexy but me and the guy just
end up laughing and i totally okay with that. :0) i mean
when i get into it all hardcore (messin around you know)
then yeah i can look sexy i guess but before hand i don't
think that i can do it.
this is the most that i have ever written in this damn
on-line journal. ha ha i think that i will go now. even
though my mind is just pouring itself out..emptying itself
i think that i should just stop.
you know? i feel alot better. i guess that it is the
combination of the music and the fact that i am just opeing
my mind. even though i feel like i haven't really been
sayin too much of anything. :0) i suspose that it always
feels like that. my friend ashley is on here too and she
says the same thing. my friend yani too. that since these
are your thoughts they don't seem like they are too much of
anything, but to someone esle they seem kind of prfound (i
guess that was the word i was looking for.).
you know i prefer typing in a journal as opposed to
writing. it seems alot less time consuming. :0) that's a
good thing.
someone told me that everything is mental before it
comes phyiscal. that is so fucking true!!!! i don't even
mean like your brain telling to do shit before your body
does it, i mean like you have to make it up in your mind
whether or not you want to do something or not do
something. i don't know if this is coming out good enough
but hell i know what i am trying to saying! hee-hee.
okay seriously i am going to go now.

-michelle :p
p.s.dude, it looks like i am spitting out my tongue!!!
wink ;^)...that looks more evil. lol bye now!
p.s.s. if there are any mistakes use context clues to fix
em cause i am not re-reading all of this! lol


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