Feck what did life do to me today?
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2002-01-18 17:12:08 (UTC)

more to add.......

i guess while i am up i should add some things about what's
been going on all at work.

paul's been ill all week and was at home and decided to go
ahead and go into work today. met some nice people at work
and meet new people all the time. last week i met luke.
whom i call pretty boy luke. he's this adorable little
gothic boy who i was sitting with last week during training
and we hit it off. he has these two braids in the front of
his hair that his girlfriend did in blue for him. he's
quite nice i must say and everytime i see him he always
smiles like he and i have a secret. i don't know what his
secret is, maybe it's because he's befriended a cute little
american girl, or maybe he just smiles like that all the
time no matter what. either way it's quite endering. paul
gave him a ride home after work one day last week and he
invited us to go over and smoke out with him any time we
want. says me and his girlfriend would get along famously.
i bet she's super gorgeous. she'd have to be to go out with
pretty boy luke i must say.

weezer is coming in town in march and i sooooooooooooo want
to see them. i asked paul for tickets for my birthday which
is next friday. wow.... a fucking week from now. 25 years
old...... shit have i wasted my life? i only plan to live 5
more years and i don't have my fame and fortune as i
thought i would 10 years ago. i remember in my senior high
school book it had a part in it that said "where will you
be in at 25?" and i think i wrote, "being a music produce
or a radio dj, not married but with a serious partner ,
living in either new york or L.A., no children. but still
very happy". well at 25 i'm going to be married, no kids, 3
cats, living in england working at ticket master. what a
fucking difference. and it kinda pisses me off when i meet
all these people in bands and going to college for the same
thing i went for and i'm doing jack shit in music now. but
i don't even want to do anything in music now anyways. i
wish i could remember why i ever wanted to in the first
place. what made me love music so much that i wanted to
devote myself to it always. and where has that magic gone?
will it ever come back? and if it does will it be too late?
is it ever too late? sometimes i feel like i could be
content just living my life, doing something i enjoy, not
worrying about money but not being broke. maybe the love of
2 men has made me not need adoration from millions. so
weird really. i'm kinda upset i gave brian my mobile number
and he never even calls me. he did leave an offline message
but it's not enough. i want him here and i want us to
giggle and run around town getting into mischief and having
adventures. he was one the best friends i ever had and i
wish he lived in england. and he and paul were good
friends, so paul would never care if i hung out with him ,
just like he never cares when i hang out with adamyall or
Kid. going to sleep now.

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